Soul Searching
by cullenwhitlockhottie01
Summary: Bella is tired of trying to live another day. She is ready to end it all, all the pain, insecurities, angst, but mostly her life. Can a certain blonde save her from the darkness she is drowning in or will she continue to sink deeper and deeper? Vamp/Human. Little Alice bashing. Pairing: J/B P/C A/OC R/E E/S and more pairings rated M for the future
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I decided to post one of the plot bunnies that have been brewing in my head for a while. Some of the poems and journal entries are my own, except for a few which I will acknowledge at the end of the chapter. The idea for this story came from several places, so many I can't even list and I don't want to. There are no betas all spelling mistakes and grammar is all my own. I hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned either of the characters would be posting this? I would be in a penthouse in Orange County. I have no rights what so ever. All characters beside the ones I decide to add are

Full Summary: Bella is tired of everything. Ever since_ He _left nothing feels right anymore. She is ready to give up on being alive, on being human. Until a certain blonde comes back to fix what he's broken. Will his wise words, kind eyes, sweet smile, and sexy accent bring Bella back from the abyss or will she be forever broken. Follow Bella and our favorite cowboy, Jasper, on a heart wrenching, tear filled, and love filled soul finding journey.

_**Thoughts**_

_Journal entries/ poems_

Chapter 1: Prologue- Worthless

What's the point of going on? Charlie? He doesn't need me. Unlike me he has people who care for him and people who love him. Me? I'm worthless, meaningless, nothing. Is that why _he_ left me? Why _they _left me? Am I not worth it anymore? I can't take it anymore, being alone. I'm tired of living only to feel worthless and unwanted.

_The murmur of death, a dark shadow_

_Overcast,_

_Ringing long and eternal as life slips_

_Slowly past,_

_It breeds the unthinkable and touts_

_the unknown,_

_It begins at the end, on a whisper_

_A moan _

I miss him. I miss them. But mostly I miss him. He haunts my dreams, even if I can't sleep to begin with, he haunts my thoughts, anything to never forget him, and he haunts my heart, anything to keep him close to me. _**Does he think about me still? Do I haunt your thoughts like you haunt mine? Do you still…do you still love me? **_

_**No, no you don't because I'm worthless. I'm not worth the time. **_Just thinking about him not loving me makes it hard to breathe and makes it hard to see. Why am I not good enough for anyone to stay and love me? What does it take for me to be loved? What does it take for me to be worth something? Did they really love me? If they did how could they just leave me without so much as a 'Screw you Bella'. Do I mean that much to people? Is it my humanness that is weak, that is unattractive? Anger at my human abilities and tendencies suddenly flair. _**Why did you have to be a weak and worthless stupid human? Why can't you be beautiful like Rosalie, Alice, or Esme? **_I am as plain as the come: dull brown hair, dull brown eyes, and almost sickly pale skin. I'm not tall and curvy like Rosalie or even small and petite like Alice. _Bella _means beautiful in Italian, yet there is nothing beautiful about me.

As I look at myself in my full length mirror I really see how unattractive I am. I see why they left me. They didn't want something this ugly and plain to taint their beautiful and dazzling family. It hurts saying _their _family and not _my _family. Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper…Ed...Edward. I gasp as the sharp pain pierces my heart and radiates through my body. My god, why can't this pain end? Why can't I just end?

_Without a Soul_

_Keep searching, searching turns into_

_Wondering, wondering _

_Turns into realization that I'm _

_Looking for is impossible to find_

_Searching for a soul_

_Searching for something that will be_

_Gone forever and I will be _

_Forever without a soul._

_Trapped_

_Feeling like this,_

_Feeling nothing at all_

_Looking for the light but only seeing_

_Darkness_

_Going around in circles looking_

_For myself trapped within myself _

_Why can't I find myself?_

_Where have I gone? _

_Am I gone forever?_

_Am I trapped forever?_

_Trapped but never gone_

_Lost but never found  
_

A/N: Well there's the prologue for this story. I hope people like it. I thought long and hard about this and I hope to get good reviews.

The first poem came from one of my favorite books: Blood Like Poison: For the Love of a Vampire. It's a really good series. If you ever get the chance or if you feel like it look it up and read it. It's amazing.

The last two are my own sorry if they suck I thought they went with this chp. I plan to update this as often as I can. But I can't make any promises. Please R&R and tell me whatever you want and I will heed what you say. Help me make this story more enjoyable for you.

With love

~.~CWH01

R&R Please and Thank you


	2. Chapter 2: Lost

**A/N: ok people, I would love thank people who favorite/follows/reviewed my story. winstonwolfe, isipare, ccgnme, Diamondz-Love, bettina whitlock, HisMinx. I hope you guys got my PM saying thank you for doing whatever you did to help my story. I was told that the story was angst and yes that's how it's going to be for a couple of chapters. It is because I kind of magnified Bella's pain over Edward and the Cullen's leaving. Don't worry though things will velar up and get better. **

**All poems and journal entries (which won't come till later) are my own if not I will acknowledge it at then of the chapter. All quotes are my own if not I will acknowledge it at then of the chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters but the ones I chose to make. All the characters are Ms. Meyer's. If they were mine Mr. Whitlock/Hale would never leave my room. **

Ladies and Gents I present to you…Jasper Whitlock

_Poem/journal entries/quotes_

_**Thoughts**_

Chapter 2: Lost JPOV

It has been two weeks since we left Bella, since we left our home, since Edward left his 'mate'. It has been two weeks and 4 days since I lost my reason for existing. Alice. A few days before the_ incident_ Alice came into our shared room. The encounter still fresh on my brain, the hurt still fresh on my soul.

**Flashback**

**I was sitting on our pink and purple lace bed (not my idea) just staring into space thinking about birthdays and how I didn't know my human one. It might be nice to celebrate another birthday. The last one we celebrated was Emmett's in the early 1900s. Alice doesn't remember her birthday, human or vampire. She knows the general time era but not the exact date. This birthday for Bella is a good and bad thing. It's good because it gives the family happiness, excitement, and hope. They still hope that they can still be somewhat human. Ridiculous. They're vampires, humans are our life source. When it comes to us the saying 'you are what you eat' doesn't apply. They have to accept what is, I have. I have for a long time. I know I'm a monster. All the people I killed, all the people The Major killed. The innocents I hurt, the families I ripped apart. I wish but nothing to forget it but the scars that liter my body and the scars that are marked upon my soul will never disappear. They are a constant reminder of who I am. What I am. How can anyone love me? How can someone so pure, light, and good like Alice love a monster like me? **

**As I thought this Alice walks in and her emotions tell me it's nothing good. Hurt, Love, Pain, Remorse, Determination, Regret, and Acceptance. **

"**Alice, what's wrong? What did you see?" As I look into her eyes I see that they are blank. Not the blank vision look but an emotionally detached look. Once again I ask her what's wrong only to once again not get a reply just a blank look. **

**One more time but more firmly, "Alice! What has happened?" Finally after what seems like years her eyes refocused but the look in them made me terrified. I wait for her to speak.**

"**Jasper…I think… I think our time together is up", she finally says. As she said those words my body froze and everything stopped. All movement, my breathing, all thoughts but one stopped. **_**She wants to leave me? She doesn't love me? No one can love a monster. **_**I'm so far gone in my own mind that I barely heard her next words**

"**I do love you Jasper, we're just not meant for each other anymore. I will always love you, you're just not my mate…the one I'm supposed to spend eternity with. What I'm saying is that I want a divorce." And from her back she pulls the piece of paper that will end my existence. "Jasper just sign the papers, it will be better this way. Don't make it harder than it needs to be." She reaches over to set the forsaken papers on the bed next to me and I reach out to grab her hand. With my hair covering my eyes and my voice low, almost barely audible, gruff I speak to her, "Better this way? Better for who **_Alice_**? You? You don't want to be with me anymore, a monster. Just say that then. Don't give me no bullshit excuse about how our time is up", my voice getter louder as I continue, "If you don't love me just say that. If you found someone just say that. If you think I'm a monster just say that", by the end of my rant I was up and had Alice by her throat against the wall, "but just don't insult my intelligence and what I know." As I let her go she slides to the floor in a heap, her eyes filled with tears that will never fall and I back away to go sign the papers. "Here, papers signed. I'll move out of the room as soon as possible." All this was said with no emotion. It was cold and it was detached, I saw Alice flinch, but I didn't care. "I assume you already told the family."**

"**No, I wanted to wait till after Bella's birthday party. I didn't want to ruin the mood. Jasper despite what you think I really do truly love you. It's just we aren't meant for each other, we never were." With that she walked out the door and out of my life, but never fully. **

_My memories, pure obsession_

_Is my insecurities._

_The monster knows these will_

_Destroy me._

_Gnawing at my soul and scratching me _

_Apart_

_I'm slowly losing sanity in the_

_Darkness of my heart. _

**End Flashback (or the painful memory)**

I had to stay that week to keep up appearances. The family never suspected a thing. They never knew that Alice and I have broken up. Broken up sound so childish. We got divorced, separated, left each other, I don't know but all of them can't describe what happened, and they all feel mediocre.

I had hunted two days before the party but with Bella's scent everywhere in the house, her delectable scent, it seemed I got thirstier faster than normal. But with Esme, Alice, and even Rosalie planning they had all the guys doing house work and repairs to make the house as perfect for Bella's birthday. I asked repeatedly to go to hunting if even for just an hour but Alice kept saying that I'll be fine that I won't hurt Bella. It looked like that even though we aren't together she still thinks that she can watch out for my future. I use to think it was because she didn't want us to part. But now that we are parted, what are her reasons for dictating now? Her emotions feel fake or forced. She feels too much of the same emotion it's like she's just feeling one emotion to cover up another. _**What are you hiding Alice? **_But I realize now that Alice shouldn't be my concern anymore. But just because you leave someone doesn't mean that you stopped loving them. I'll let it go for now.

The day of the party I had a more than slight burn in my throat, as long as she doesn't come too close or openly bleeds I should be more than fine.

After the final preparations around 7 o'clock Edward left to go get Bella. Everyone went around to do little things to make everything better and to go get their presents. Exactly 30 minutes later Edward and Bella pulls up. You can feel her anxiety, nervousness, and worry 5 miles out. I sent her a small dose of calm and confidence. She sent me her gratitude. Something I rarely ever feel coming from a human or anyone actually.

"Places everyone", Alice said as she put everyone in a certain place. Carlisle and Esme arms wrapped around each other near the foyer. Emmett and Rosalie and Alice and I not too far behind them. We hear Bella's heartbeat get closer and closer till finally its right in front of us

"SURPRISE!," everyone yells together. Her shock is evident on her face and in her breathless laugh.

"Oh my god, you guys this is too much. I would have been fine with a movie and pizza." Alice dance toward Bella, "No Bella you're turning 18 this is an important party and we were happy to do it. The last party we had was Emmett's and that was in the 1900s. Sit." She gently pushes Bella down in a chair. "Presents", she sings. You can see that Bella is about to protest but she is quickly silenced with a look from Edward and Alice. Rosalie is giving off waves of disgust. She always hated how weak Bella was when it came to Edward and Alice.

"Fine I'll take the presents but they better not be expensive," she points at Alice and Edward already fearing what they got her. Alice sets the big box with stereo in it in front of Bella and as Bella is admiring the size and biting her lip contemplating whether not to open it, Emmett steps outside to install it in her truck. She picks up the box to shake it but gets confused when she hears nothing. She bits her lip looking up at us while she opens the box. When she opens it….she sees nothing.

"Thank…you. How much did the air cost," she said surprising us all. We stare at her shocked then we all burst out laughing, even Rosalie.

No Bella it's a stereo for your truck. Emmett has already installed it so- I was cut off by Emmett's boom

"So that you can't take it back and get the money for something boring like books." After that the party was going well. There was a playful side to Bella we had never seen before, Rosalie had a new found respect for the human girl who had invaded our lives. We were down to the last gift of the night. The one for Carlisle and Esme no but probably Alice and Edward knew what it was.

They handed her a thin envelope and simply said "You need a little sunshine and warmth in your life." When Bella tried to open the envelope she couldn't so she tried to yank her finger and under the tap…and everything seemed like it froze. I was hit with the fiercest bloodlust I felt in all my 150 years and it was coming from Edward.

**A/N: Hi there you have reached the bottom of this chapter, which happens to be my longest only maybe 200 words shy of 2000. If you didn't know this is a recount of what happened at Bella's party. It's really a filler actually. I would like to thank everyone who alerted/faved this or me. I shall try to have the third one up by later tonight or tomorrow and it will continue to be Jasper's point of view and it might be short. **

**The poem was written by a friend **

**Thanks for reading R&R alert fave **

**~.~CWH01**

**Oh and all mistakes are my own.**


	3. Chapter 3: Bloodlust

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing whatsoever. So don't sue me

A/N: I decided to do a different POV and it picks up where Jasper's POV left off. Let's see if you can guess who the mystery POV who is. This will be a much shorter chp

Chapter 3: Bloodthirsty

? POV

Blood. Blood. Her blood. Her sweet, delicious blood. I want it, I want her. How can I get her blood? Sweet, sweet, delicious, soft, warm Bella. I look around quickly to make sure no one is going to get what's mine. I see no threat until I get to a blonde male. So many. So many scars. Why are there so many?

Danger.

Danger. He's dangerous. He wants her.

NO! No he can't have her she's mine.

MINE! I growl lowly as I grab her by her arm warily watching the scarred blonde vampire. He takes a step forward I react to protect my prey, I push it behind me. Maybe a little hard. I heard her crash into glass. Broken glass? Pierced skin? More blood? I inhaled and was hit with a scent so strong, so potent that I knew that if I didn't have it, if I didn't drink every last drop, my existence would be meaningless.

There are too many people around. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Too many. I see the blonde vampire charge at me, no he's charging at her. Protect your food! Protect what's yours! I push him away in an attempt to save the blood that has called me in so many devious ways. I roar in victory when someone holds him in a headlock, but he struggles to get away, teeth snapping, head thrashing.

No. he has broken loose. He's coming.

Crouch. Be defensive. Growl. Show your teeth. Snarl. Anything to tell him to fear you. Someone big, Emmett, grabs him followed by a blonde, Rosalie, and pushes him out the patio door. It's quiet. It's quiet all but her heartbeat. Pumping blood through her body, making her warm. Calling me. Tempting me. Daring me. I need her.

Someone makes a move at me, another blonde, Carlisle perhaps. His hands are up and open, golden eyes wide. Trust. He's showing me I can trust him. Once again I scan the room, looking for others whom might want to take my precious blood. Empty, the room is empty. I look over at Bella I see a long gash seeping blood on her arm. So much. So much blood.

"Step outside son. There's too much blood here for you." I snap my head up so faster that a human might have broken their neck doing the action. I look at Carlisle then I look at Bella. I sniff the air, inhaling her blood, feeling the venom pooling in my mouth. I swallow it harshly.

"I'm fine Carlisle. I can handle it," I say tensely. He just wants me away so he can have her blood for himself.

Never! It's mine and mine alone. No one is going to get her blood. No one but me.

"No son. It's not worth risking Bella to test your control," he said softly but tensely. Just as I was about to protest, Bella spoke softly, "Just leave Edward I don't expect you to be here for this. Leave before something worse happens." With her saying that she turned her back on me and went with Carlisle. Another vampire. Inside my head a monster roars in anger. With one last fleeting glance at the stairs that another vampire took my prey, MY blood, I speed out the patio door and out to the forest as fast as my legs could carry.

Once there, I start to rip trees apart. Throwing boulders. I start to hunt, not nice or neat. I rip animals apart, spilling their blood, spraying it all over my clothes, face, and hair. If anyone saw me they would think I was deranged. Eyes wide and crazed, hair wild and scattered, and I'm covered in blood. The forest and its occupants were victims of my rage. I don't stop I just keep ripping through the forest. Leaving ripped animal carcasses, blown boulders, and smashed trees in my wake.

I was furious, livid actually. He took what was mine. Then the scarred blonde vampire tried to attack her and take her sweet blood away from me. Will never have that happen. She left with Carlisle willingly. She needs to know that she belongs to me, that her blood is mine.

SHE'S MINE! No one else's. No one will have her. Not as long as I'm alive.

As my head starts clear, and the red veil starts to lift, I feel horror at myself and my actions. What would I have done? Would I have really killed Bella? I didn't want to say the answer out loud because I knew that it would have been yes instead of no. What would have done without Bella? My Bella. I sigh. What happened tonight should have never happened. What happened with Jasper, what almost happened with me should never happen. Bella shouldn't be around this. She shouldn't be around all this evil. She could have died tonight and it all would have been my fault. I punch a tree and let out an anguished roar. Birds fly off in the distance.

I have to protect her from myself and my world. But if I let her go someone might come and claim her blood for their own. That can't happen, she's mine! Mine alone. No one can have her. But I have to save her from myself and having her soul damned. Brining her into to this world was a horrible mistake. I thought that I could be able to be with her and not kill her but as I look on the events that occurred tonight I realize how stupid and naïve I was to think that.

I have to eliminate myself out of her life. I have to make sure that she never has to worry about vampires coming back into her life. Her life will be much better without me and my world apart of hers. She has the right to a normal human life. So right then and there I made the decision to leave Bella and everything with her behind. I have to leave and protect her.

With that heavy on my frozen heart, I started the journey back to the house hoping that Bella wouldn't be there. I have to make sure that the family will see this my way and leave Forks and Bella behind.

I have make sure that no one gets what's mine.

A/N: well there is the end to chapter three I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that there weren't too many mistakes. I hope it met some standards. I wanted to try something different with this chapter. Tell me what you think and I couldn't find a poem or quote to really fit this chapter sorry to the people that expected it. Also to the people that reviewed and Alerted/Favorite the story or me I'm so very sorry that I didn't get you your thank you pm I was very busy making this chapter trying to make sure I had everything right but that is not a very good reason for not thanking you and for that I am sorry.

**psychovampirefreak, raine1969, 1, jasper100, ArabellaWhitlock, sprazinko, LanfearBelikov, chanur, KiVeMi, lucylu0508. Thank you for your support it means a crap load to me and to everyone else thank you also. **

**R&R please and thank you**

**~.~CWH01 **


	4. Chapter 4: Despair

A/N: thank you for the good feedback I got on the last chapter. Not much to this A/N. there will be a journal entry is this chapter maybe two.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters that are mentioned they belong to Ms. Meyer so don't sue me

Chapter 4: Despair

_**Fukai Mori **_

_There must still be a soul _

_that you have left behind _

_hidden somewhere _

_in the deep deep of the forest_

_lying among the trees_

_people who are too tired_

_they just don't look around, _

_any further _

_They disappear into the _

_Eternal darkness of a _

_Foreign place…_

It's harder than I thought it was going to be. Trying to get over _him. _Every little thing reminded me of him. The trees blowing in the wind reminded me of his speed as he would run with me on his back. Music would remind of his talented fingers moving swiftly across the black and white piano keys. Gold, black, topaz all reminded me of his eyes. Always so alive and with so many emotions. It's hard living without him.

_I just wanted to think that I could_

_forget you. That I could move on with my life,_

_be happy. I wanted to think that I didn't _

_need you. That time would speed up _

_and help me forget you even faster. I wanted to think_

_a lot of things. Like I wouldn't miss you, _

_need you, want you, crave you, and love you. _

_But I was wrong. Everything reminded me of_

_you. I was a shell of who I was without _

_you. I needed you to hold me when_

_I had nightmares, time slowed and made_

_me miss you more. I wanted you to love me _

_like I loved you. I craved your touch and your loving looks._

_I wanted to think that my love was enough for you._

_There were a lot of things I wanted that never came. _

It got hard just doing regular things like going to the bathroom because I would come to my room expecting him to be there. Everything is so much harder without him in my life. My world revolved around him and when he left I fell out of orbit, not knowing how to start again. It felt like the stars were falling out of sky. The moon stopped illuminating, the sun stopping shinning. There was nothing left. Nothing but an empty, dark sky that is my heart.

Why was everything so void now? Why is there no meaning to anything anymore? Why does the future seem so dark? What is the point in going on if he's not going to be on my life?

Days and days go by, I get more and more depressed. Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. I try to cry, I try to mourn but nothing happens. Why can't I cry? Am I too deep in the despair to really feel anything but pain? Am I too deep in everything to really feel? When was the last time I actually felt or saw anything?

Days, weeks, months they're all jumbled up. I don't know much time has passed. I don't know when Charlie actually stopped trying. I don't know when I lost all my friends. I don't know when Jacob stopped coming by. I don't know when I lost my soul.

_Things are passing and _

_Changing and moving _

_Around_

_But the colors of the sky,_

_Still remain the same, as we_

_Used to know…_

_Limits that we had _

_Leave our fears behind,_

_Take another chance_

_Our souls will live again_

_If we could catch the _

_Rhythm of time,_

_We could fly so high_

_Could we still have seen if _

_We were there_

_Could we still have seen it if it _

_Were little _

_Go on with our lives, and _

_Lose those behind _

_Wrapped around in lies, _

_We stand there voiceless _

_We want to leave our lives,_

_Until we find a way _

_Searching for the light for _

_Eternity _

I' m trapped in the darkness of my mind and of my heart. I'm lost and confused. In the agony and in the pain I remember him. How he used to be before the unfaithful day in the woods. But that is in the past. To him I'm the past. Would it be hard to believe that it hurts more outside of my mind? Would it be hard to believe that I like the pain that it brings me? The pain is like a drug and I don't ever want to lose it. It helps me know that he was real and not just my imagination.

_**A/N: well this chapter was fairly short. For anyone who didn't know, the poems and such are like little page breaks of sort. I know that it seemed like I rambled but I think that they are little drabbles that I made into chapters. Thank you to everyone who added the story and me to their alerts once again it means a lot. I will personally thank you guys in PMs later after I rest. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **_

_**HEADS UP: the next two chapters maybe called "Anger" just a little note. I will try to have them up by Friday if not Thursday. **_

_**The first and last poems are actually song lyrics from one of my favorite anime's Inuyasha it's called Fukai Mori and the one in the middle is a little impromptu journal entry I made. I hope you enjoyed them both**_

_**R&R**_

_**~.~ CWH01**_


	5. Chapter 5: Anger

**A/N: hey thanks for the fave and reviews and alerts. It means a lot to me. Not much in this chapter might as well be called a filler. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. So don't sue me.**

Chapter 5: Anger

JPOV

_**My Black Dahlia **_

_I loved you, you made me hate me_

_You gave me hate, see it saved me and these tears are deadly_

_You feel that? I rip back every time you tried to steal that_

_You feel bad? You feel sad? I'm sorry, hell no, fuck that_

_It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife_

_This strife it dies, this life and these lies_

_And these lungs have sung this song for too long_

_And it's true I hurt too remember I loved you_

Anger.

Unadulterated anger. It was all I could feel. Anger at myself for not being stronger. Anger at Alice. Anger at Edward. Anger at the world. Anger at my stupidity. Listening to Alice had have been my worst mistake in my entire existence. I had almost killed Bella. That would have been the worst mistake but it didn't happen thank god. Or whoever that is that humans thank in times of relief. When we left Forks Alice and I told the family of our split and they were completely unfazed. After we told them of the split things were the same as they always were. It was the same all up to the night that we all went on an extended hunting trip but Alice and Edward.

Alice and Edward said they had went hunting a few days prior, so we left them alone at the house. Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and I all went north to hunt they had better game up north. But before we got there I turned around stating that I wasn't in the mood. I ran back as soon as I could, all I wanted to do was curl up in my study and read a book.

By time I got to the house I was already gone an hour. But what I heard when I got back to the house was what changed everything.

I don't think they heard me approaching or else they would have paused their conversation. To make sure they would not know my presence I stayed downwind in a high tree not too far from the house but far enough to where Edward could not hear my thoughts.

"I saw it. I saw it all Edward," Alice says. Saw what?

"Saw what Alice? I thought we had everything under control. You said everything would be different." Edward seemed very…anxious. What are they talking about? I want to make my presence known but I want to know what the situation was.

"Everything is under control but if he keeps changing his mind I don't know what would happen. We can try steering him from that direction but you know how he is. "

"He was your husband, you should know him the best. Change his mind, change his decisions. He never needs to think of Forks or anything that's in it." What is in Forks that I need? We left nothing behind but Bella and she means very little to me.

"If he goes to Forks everything I told you will come true. Her becoming a vampire, them falling in love, and most importantly us dying," Alice finishes sternly.

"Do you think I want that Alice? The reason I left Forks was so that no one else could get her or her blood, which is mine."

"Forget her 'precious blood' for a second. All I care about is living and keeping them away from each other." Everything is so messed up now. Alice knew that Edward was going to leave Bella? Did she also know the outcome of the birthday party? Is that why she asked for a divorce so suddenly? Should I make my presence known now or wait for the end? Edward continues, "Do you know any of his decisions for the near future?" Alice closes her eyes momentarily and when she opens them you can see disappointment and shock in her eyes.

"No…no I can't. He's blank. I can't see anything," she says with shock evident in her voice.

"What do you mean you can't see him? You could see his future a few minutes ago, what could have changed in a span of a few minutes?" Edward sounded as frustrated as I felt. They were both frustrated, either at each other or the situation, I don't really know but I plan on finding out very soon.

"He just went blank Edward, either he is doing subconsciously or on purpose either way I don't know. We don't really have to watch Jasper's decisions, we just have to watch the future of Forks, maybe then I can see what the future might be."

"Alice, find a way to see Jasper's future. This was your plan if anything backfires it's on _you_."

"You're in this just as much as I am, Edward. If I go down you're going down with me. I'm not about to take the blame on my own." There was so much tension in the air. There are so many unanswered questions. The conversation has come to a pause. Now would be the time to announce my presence.

I jump down from the tree I was perched on and made towards the house. All the while I was sending out my emotions to let them know I was there. Anger, sadness, astonishment, disgust, regret, remorse, a whole cocktail of emotions. There were so many emotions pouring from me that they stood frozen. I burst through the door.

"What were guys talking about," I looked into both their eyes with my hard, emotionless eyes.

"Jazzy, you're supposed to be hunting with the family up north…why are you here?" Alice questions fearfully. I look her dead in the eye and say, "I wasn't in the mood to hunt."

"Why didn't you call to say that you were coming back," Edward intervened.

"I left my cell."

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough." I can see the short answers are getting to them.

"Did you hear anything on your way here," asked Alice.

"Yes, I heard some interesting things," I replied steely. I look swiftly at both of them.

"Is there anything you two would kindly like to share?" I look at Alice who shakes her head, then I look at Edward who also shakes his head. I sigh heavily, "It looks like we have to do this the hard way instead of the easy way." I looked at them while they looked warily at me, trying to see if I was bluffing. I raise an eyebrow and before either of them knew what was happening, I had both of them by their throats against the wall. I leaned in close and whispered lowly, dangerously, and calmly, "Now, you tell me what you know and what I want to know or else….I'll start ripping limbs," I look at both them, "You choose."

Both of them looked like if they could, they would shit bricks. If it weren't for the situation I would have laughed. But I need to be serious right now and neither of them were talking. I moved my hands to the part where the shoulder and neck meet and squeezed, seeing little cracks form, "Speak or you both lose an arm, hurts like a bitch to put together again." I continue squeezing ignoring the struggles they put up. "Let's see which one of your arms break off first shall we." As I say this I rip off Edward's arm and while he's screaming agony I look at Alice, "Start talkin' or you're next." I tighten my grip and just as I'm about to rip it off her body she shrieks, "Ok, OK I'll tell you just please, please don't take my arm," she sobbed. Her tears that will never fall and her loud screams did nothing to faze me like they use to.

I release her arm and watch her sag to floor gasping in relief. Edward is still in my grip, still gasping in pain, still struggling.

"If I feel any deceit or negative emotion that even makes me _think _that you are lying Eddie boy here loses a limb. Got it?" I watch has she nods her head shallowly. She looks up and I see more than feel the guilt among other things.

"Start from the beginning Alice."

"It's a long story Jasper."

"I have all the time in the world. Start talking." She sighs to grab her bearings before she speaks.

"I started getting visions about a week or two before Bella's birthday party. At first they were just blurry flickers, it frustrated me to no end. I knew that they were of Bella because she's the only I could never really see clearly. At first they didn't make any sense at all, I kind of just ignored them at first but then you started pop up in the visions." She took a pause and looked at me, I raised an eyebrow at her so that she can continue. Once again she sighed.

"I started paying attention them and they started to click into place." I could sense her hesitation to continue. I took in Edward's pain and magnified it by 10 and pushed it into Alice. Her eyes glazed over and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Her body crumpled under the force of the pain I put into her. After a few more seconds I took it from her, she sagged in relief.

"Continue or it gets worse."

"At first I saw Bella as a vampire as I have always se-"She was cut off by Edward's hiss of protest. I tighten my grip on his shoulder.

"Quiet _Eddy." _I hissed. His eyes flash from Alice to me. Once. Twice. Three times and finally he snaps his mouth shut. Alice continues, "I have always seen Bella as a vampire I just never saw how or who she was with….until a few days before her birthday. The visions started getting clearer and as they got clearer you kept popping up. Holder her, kissing her, making love to her, hunting with her, and loving her. At first I was confused. I kept asking myself why Jasper would end up with Bella. How will Jasper end up with Bella? Then everything started clicking into place. One day I got the full story. Bella was getting tired of being quiet and timid and she was going to start rebelling. She was going to do everything to gain independence from Edward. She wanted to get to know 'quiet, mysterious, and dangerous' Cullen. She was going to start talking to you, getting to know you, and you were going to let her." She took another pause before looking at me with all the hurt and pain in the world, "How could you that to me Jazzy? I thought you loved me." Once again I wasn't fazed. I just looked at her.

"You're Alice I did love you but that was before you divorced me….Continue."

I could feel her defiance. I count to five in my head and I rip of Edward's other arm. "He only has legs and toes left Alice finish the story."

"I didn't want that to happen. I started thinking of different scenarios. I came out with three different outcomes. First: Keep you and Bella away from each other and have Edward keep her under a tighter leash or Second: Have you slip up right before the party, that way they won't allow you to be present at Bella's party or the third option that happened: You attempt to hurt Bella and we would have to send you away but that didn't happen as planned." Once again she pauses.

"You mean when Edward went all crazy vampire on every one."

"Yes but in the end it went the way I was hoping. We left Forks, Edward left Bella and you were forgetting her. I couldn't have ending up with her. That's not right. She's Edward's in every sense of the word. She is his mate, his singer. You were going take that from him. Your brother."

"No vampire can leave their mate. Human or not. It causes too much pain and I haven't felt not one ounce of pain from Edward since the few months we've been here. Bella could not be his mate." There is silence in the room. Fear, pain, and agony makes the room seem stuffy and hot.

"What else happened in your visions?"

"If you turned Bella and figured out that you were mates, you would be unstoppable. The God of War would have found his Goddess. Vampires would fear you, the Volturi would fear you more than they already do. The God of War and his Goddess would practically rule the vampire world. You would kill me and Edward, I don't why but you would kill us in the future. One by one. And I couldn't have that I had to separate you two. Edward made it almost too easy when he made the decision to leave Forks. I saw the future change before my eyes. You would be overcome with guilt and would leave the family and go back to those _savages_ you call family and go back to your regular diet. Forgetting all about us and Bella. Everything would have went right but no you had to change course and start feeling guilty because you didn't truly _apologized_ to Bella for ruining her party. You were going to go back to Forks and see how bad Bella is and stay and help her _heal. _And the future changed again to the outcome I didn't want. Then your future along with Bella's disappeared. At first I thought you were going to die but I still kept getting little snippets and none were good. Lately I've been thinking of ways to get your mind from Forks and Bella but nothing changes. You always find your way back to_ her. _No matter what I do, you always go to her." By the end of her little speech I was speechless.

_Me and Bella? Mates? How could that be? I never felt the mating pull or the pain of being away from her. No that's not right. What's wrong with Bella?_

"What do you mean 'help her heal'?"

"Bella didn't take the family and Edward leaving well. She's been almost catatonic or comatose or both. It depends how you look at it," she said it in a detached voice. I was so shocked I dropped Edward in a heap on the floor.

"Do you not care for the person you called your best friend? Are you really that heartless and cruel that you would let her go on like that? What if she ended up killing herself? What then Alice?" I spoke to her with disgust evident in my voice. I stalked towards her, Edward's whimpering in pain all but forgotten. I grab her by her throat and squeeze.

"You disgust me Alice. You don't know the meaning of loyalty. You don't deserve to exist," I stop talking looking at her up and down, "I should kill you right now." Alice whimpers in fear but all it does is makes me smirked.

"It would be so easy. To snap your fragile little neck and rip your body into little pieces and burn them one by one slowly while you watch. Or I could fill you so much pain, fear, agony, and all the emotions that associate with the change you don't seem to remember. It would be so easy. It would be so rewarding. It would be so satisfying to watch you burn to nothing but _ash_," at the end I lean in and snap at her ear. Before she could even blink I had her arm ripped off and thrown across the room.

Her screams of pain are like music to my ears. It's been a while since someone screamed in pain because of me. Being with the Cullen's has made me weak and not a true vampire. It's time to change that.

"Next time you come in between me or something that's mine then you will lose more than an arm. Okay?" She nods to show that she understands.

"The family will be back in a week that should give you enough time to gather your missing limbs. Don't think of following me or coming to Forks anytime. I will be waiting to kill you the moment that you step foot on the border. Understood." I look at both of them waiting confirmation that they understand. After about a minute both of them nod their heads. I look at both of them before I head upstairs.

I pack a little travel bag, just enough to last about a week or two. It will be faster to run to Forks than to drive. The faster I get there the better. I run back down stairs after I have all the things I need. As I run out the door I give them the one finger salute.

With a million thoughts heavy on my mind I run towards Forks with no idea of what's in store for me when I get there.

**A/N: well this chapter is longer than the others as an apology for not updating when I said was. I have no real excuse except for the fact that I procrastinated the entire weekend. The actual chapter is 2862 words. I know I may have gotten off topic after a while and may have rambled and it didn't flow right but I'm working on it. Sorry to people who did not get their thank you PM my PM thing pissed me off. So thank you for the support and I'm sorry if you were expecting it. **** It hurt me too.**

**At the top are song lyrics by Hollywood Undead. I do not own those either**

R&R fave/Alert

~.~CWH01


	6. Chapter 6: Anger Pt2

**A/N: hey everybody we are back with chapter 6. I'm so excited. After this chapter there will be no beginning A/Ns unless it's really important. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any Twilight characters or Twilight period so don't sue. If you want u can sue me for procrastination but nothing else. **

**On with the story…**

Chapter 6: Anger pt. 2

_Anger is fire_

_It burns the soul_

_Anger is deep sea_

_Drowns one to death_

_Anger is a storm _

_Blow one_

_Out of the world_

_Anger is demon_

_Overpowers the mind_

_Anger is a virus _

_Slowly kills a person_

_Anger is evil _

_Brings one closer to Hell_

_Anger is madness_

_Makes one suffer_

_Anger is an enemy _

_Destroys one slowly _

_Turns friendship into enmity _

_Always remember that anger_

_Is one letter short of danger_

_It takes its toll_

_Does not spare a _

_Single soul_

I don't know what came over me. One second I'm stuck in my mind relaying all the memories I had with Cullen's. All the feelings of worthlessness still there but something in my snapped. I don't know what it was but it snapped and all I felt was pure _anger. _

I felt anger at Edward the one who claimed to love me forever. The one who promised me love.

I felt anger at Alice, the one that claimed to be my best friend. To be a rock to lean on.

I felt anger at Esme, the one that claimed to love me like her own.

I felt anger at Carlisle, the one who showed me compassion then took it away.

I felt anger at Emmett, the one who was supposed to be my big brother.

I felt anger at all of them except for two. They never promised me anything, or gave me false hope that they loved me. Hell they barely showed me that they liked me.

Jasper and Rosalie. They never said anything to me that wasn't true. They never said anything to me at all.

But the anger I felt it boiled over and I went crazy. I snapped out of my seat and went on a rampage. I threw my mattress, my dresser, I punched a hole in my wall, I punched my mirror, and I ripped papers, pictures. Anything I could get my hands on. I trashed my room. I screamed so much my voice went hoarse. Charlie came in at one time trying to sedate me. He pulled me to his chest. I turned on him. I started clawing and beating at chest. Crying in agony, "Why!? Why can't I be good enough?! Why me?! Why me?!"

He took it all. He stayed with me. He let me bruise his chest and stain his shirt. It was in that moment that I realized how much Charlie loved me. It just brought more tears to my eyes.

"Let it out Bella. Just let it all out," Charlie kept repeating to me. Trying to soothe. Trying to show me that he's there for me. It does nothing.

I could feel the blood dripping from the cuts on my hand. I could feel the glass pierce my skin. I could feel and it felt good. I felt like I could breathe again. If only a little bit, but I could still breathe.

* * *

_Despite my health, _

_You opted not to call me; _

_Just to know if I was alright._

_When I gazed at myself, _

_Sleeping helplessly in much pain, _

_I wondered where your love, care and support were._

_My eyes kept starring fixedly on my cell phone, _

_Thinking that it would ring, _

_And I would hear your healing voice._

_Showers of tears began to flood from my red eyes_

_Onto my white pillows, _

_Until they were all wet._

_My mind crawled on something very special, _

_Something that ever turned my heart around, _

_But nothing could conquer the flame of my burning heart._

_Then I thought quickly, _

_That it's only when days are dark, _

_That friends are always few._

_My heart never stopped pounding the whole night; _

_Until God had mercy on me, _

_And miraculously laid me to rest _

As I lay in bed that night I think of all the things that are wrong with the Cullen's.

Edward is too controlling and possessive. He wanted to control my every movement.

Alice used her visions to manipulate people. She and Edward go hand in hand.

Esme pretends to be a mother to 100 year old 'people', and sometimes shows favoritism towards Alice and Edward.

Carlisle pretends to be the 'good doctor'. The vampire with no blood lust. Defying his true nature.

Emmett was too energetic for someone who has been awake for almost 100 years.

Rosalie was just a plain bitch who needed to be knocked off her pedestal.

Jasper is a mystery. He didn't talk much but he gave off the presence that he is not to be messed with. He seemed like he didn't fit in with the Cullen's. It seemed like he was darker than the rest. It seemed like he didn't have the same past as the others. He was like an untamed beast pretending to be tame, waiting for the right moment to attack.

The Cullen's are defying their nature by feeding animals. They think that if they live the life humans they will be more human. There is nothing human about unearthly beauty, unhealthy pale skin, cold temperature, fast speeds, and so much more. They can never be human. They need to accept that as their reality.

But even though they are what they are, they seem so much more human to me than they are vampire. But they will always be vampires. They will always be dangerous. They will always be vampires. They will always be supernatural. They will never be able to be a part of my world and me theirs.

It's not meant to be that way but I can't help but want it to be that way. We were never meant to cross paths. If I had never came to Forks I would have never felt this hurt and this pain. My life would be better off. I would never be in constant danger of being killed by vampires or werewolves or hell fucking fairies.

I'm angry that they left me alone with no protection knowing that Victoria is still out there plotting her revenge. They know I'm accident prone and yet they left me all alone, unprotected.

I'm angry that they didn't leave with so much as a 'Fuck you Bella'. They didn't even care enough to leave a fucking note! I get out of my bed in frustration completely ignoring the pain my body was in. I paced my room mumbling under my breath, "Stupid fucking Cullen's messed up my life. Came into my life and ruined everything. Dumbass Edward loving me and leaving me. Ugh I hate him. Everything went downward when they came into my life," I stopped my pacing and sighed. "But I still love them." I plop back down on my bed and hiss in pain. The pain having finally registered in my mind made me gently ease my back onto the bed.

"Stupid goddamn Cullen's." I lay stiffly in my bed. The next thing I heard shocked me to my core.

It was a southern voice, barely a whisper but to me it could have been a scream.

_Have you ever wondered "Why me"_

_In all seriousness. Not the playful or sarcastic kind_

_But the real agony, pain filled "Why Me"_

_Well I ask that every day of my life and I have _

_Come to one answer_

_My life sucks._

_Nothing ever goes right for me _

_Why do I even try to make something of it?_

_My life is a living hell and everyone in it is_

_The devil.  
_

* * *

**A/N: Yet another chapter is complete. Finally maybe Jasper and Bella meet again. I feel happy about the good feedback I have gotten on the story. 6 chapters and I have a ton of followers and people who faved it. *squeal* ok on to the business**

**Acknowledgments: The first poem is a borrowed one from a poem site that I forgot the name of credit goes to Dr. Rajendra Tela, Nirantar (Whatever that is). The second one is from the same site and credit goes to someone who I forgot (sorry) the last one is mine it was literally added as an afterthought I made it up on the spot (forgive me) **

**Thank You: Konohashinobi07, Lady Skyelite, willow0live, aecarey, straight up g 52, prunelle05, Webbie 298, mbrunberg1, and to anyone else I forgot. I'm thinking of just doing a big one with everyone who alerted. I'm sorry if I forgot you I'll make it up to you next time. **

**Next Chapter: Surprise **

**Until next time R&R Alert/Favorite, send me a PM and email, hell whatever pleases you **

~.~CWH01


	7. Chapter 7: Surprise

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, its characters, or its story line. So don't sue. I'm too pretty for jail.

Chapter 7: Surprise

JPOV

I had been running for hours but I'm finally here. Forks. A trip that would usually take a day or a day and half ended up being just 13. I was feeling so many things. Excitement, anticipation, apprehensiveness, shock, relief, love, happiness, doubt, anxiety, fear, just a whole cocktail of feelings, I couldn't exactly pinpoint which emotion made me run faster than normal but I did. I couldn't wait to see Bella. But what was I going to say?

_**Hey Bella, remember when you thought that you were meant for Edward? Yeah, well that's not true. You're my mate and you're meant to be with me forever not Edward.**_

Who wants to be mated to me for eternity? Hell I don't want to be mated to me for eternity. What if she rejects me? What if I'm not what she wants?

Ok Jasper don't think about it just act on instinct. It's better to act on instinct than to over analyze everything.

Before I travel to Bella's house I'll go to the old Cullen house. That's where I'll be staying until… how long will I be staying in Forks? Until Bella realizes I'm her mate or until I can't take it anymore and leave? How far can I go without my mate's love? Could I live without her?

The house has been in better shape. There was tall grass, weeds, and vines wrapped around the house, the paint looked chipped. There seemed to be some graffiti on one side of the house. I went inside and there was dust everywhere. How could this happen in just a few months? The furniture was cover in white sheets and plastic. I flicked on a light switch and I flicked it on and off. "I guess the lights don't work." I speak out loud. It seemed the room had an echo.

I travel upstairs to my study and open the door. I step in and look at the place was my sanctuary away from Alice and everyone's emotions. The different shades of brown and the splashes of green have always been soothing to me. The smell of old leather, old and worn pages, and just that homey smell. It was me but in room form. Homey, not overly big, warm colors, and relaxing. I reach over to the bookcase and run my fingers over the spine of the books and close my eyes. Just enjoying the texture of the books. I bet Bella would love these book, I heard that she loved classic books.

I set my bag down and began to clean up all the dust around the room. It seemed Esme left all the cleaning supplies. I start in the study and work my way throughout the whole house. I cleaned the rooms and the outside of the house. I look to the place where Edward's piano use to be and growled deep in my throat.

Once I deemed everything clean I looked to the sky, it seemed to be late afternoon now. I worked on the house for long. I put off seeing Bella for too long. I just couldn't face her and then get rejected. What if she doesn't want to love someone after Edward? Could I live without her knowing that she is my mate? Would I even want to?

With many thoughts on my mind I race to Bella's house. The Chief's cruiser is in the yard, which is weird for the Chief of Police to be home this early. I creep a little closer to the house to see if there were any kind of conversations going on inside. As I get closer I start to feel the Chief's emotions. Worry, fear, confusion, anxiety, anger. I creep closer.

"….hasn't eaten in days. I don't know what to do. I'm scared for her, Renee." I couldn't hear the other end of the conversation. I was too far away but I could tell that the answering person was frustrating him.

"What else do you expect me to do Renee…..no that won't work. The last time I mentioned Jacksonville she had this huge tantrum and cried and beg till I promised not to send her away…There's nothing I can do but wait for her come out of whatever state she's in…..Doctor said something bout her being 'catatonic' he said to wait for her to get over whatever put her that ….Yeah I'll do that…bye."

What's going on with Bella? Catatonic? What happened to her to make her catatonic?

I sneak to the tree by her bedroom. I quietly climb it. I reach her window and what lie inside shocks me. It's Bella but she's not there. She looks to be dead. She's thinner, paler, she had dark circles under her eyes, she had her wrapped around her middle like it was all she could do to hold herself upright, her eyes were dead, but the most shocking was that I couldn't feel not one emotion from her. Not. One. Emotion. If I couldn't hear her heartbeat and hear her shallow breathing I would think that she was dead. She seemed close to death.

I then recalled Alice saying that I was going to heal her. Is this what I'm supposed to heal her from? Is she even capable of healing? Will she ever be able to heal?

Don't worry Bella, I will heal you even if it's the last thing I do. Just hold on. Don't fade from me.

_When you want to run away, but something pulls you back, hold on._

_When you think you've lost it all, and there's nothing left, hold on_

_When you lose yourself, and all your dreams, hold on_

_When there's no light ahead, nobody there to call, hold on._

_When you feel like you've left everything behind, hold on_

_When you feel like the sun won't rise on this tonight, hold on_

_When you need somebody to wipe your tears, tell you it's alright, hold on_

_Because I promise you someday_

_You won't have to hide this pain_

_Because I promise you someday_

_Someone will come to help you breathe again_

_Someone will break down the barriers, you've built within your mind_

_Someone will chase away the tears, to show the beautiful smile_

_Hold on, Hold on, break away from these chains_

_Hold on. Hold on, if you just hold on. _

_When you've seen only the dark side, shadows on your face, hold on_

_When the music's playing, but your heart won't let you dance, hold on_

_When your eyes don't light up, because the sparkle has grown tired, hold on_

_When life has taken away your spirit, slowly burning out the fire, hold on. _

_When you've given up on waiting for hope to open up its door, hold on_

_When you can't find the answers, like a puzzle without a picture, hold on_

_When breathing feels so painful, and time just isn't enough, hold on_

_Because I promise you some day_

_you'll wake up to something beautiful_

_Because I promise you someday_

_Someone will make you feel worth it_

_Someone will open up your eyes, blind them from the hurt_

_Someone will cover up the bruises, wipe away the dirt_

_Hold on, Hold on let your faith keep you strong_

_Hold on, Hold on, if you just hold on. _

_When your heart feels weak, and like a flower you have wilted, hold on_

_When those have turned their backs, the ones that kept you lifted, hold on_

_When your feelings have turned numb, this is not what you expected, hold on_

_When the sun no longer shines yellow, and the grass is no longer green, hold on_

_When love has lost its way, no longer can it follow, hold on. _

_When you look back on your life, no goals have been achieved, hold on_

_When you see a road that's just too long, hard to face with no guarantee, hold on_

_When tomorrow is just another yesterday, you feel this is all you can become, hold on._

_Because I promise you someday_

_Life will show you another way_

_Because I promise you someday_

_Someone will take away the strain._

_Someone will give you a second chance, it will be there for you to take_

_Someone will show you the perfect bond, believe and it won't break_

_Hold on, hold on, who knows the best may be yet to come_

_Hold on, hold on, if you just hold on._

I kept going back to check on Bella daily. Every day she seemed to get worse than the day before. I didn't know what to do. She always stared at that dumb chair. It seemed she expected him to pop back up and be in that chair. It angered me to no end. Charlie stopped checking on her and asking her to come back. Bella was slowly drifting away right before my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to help her but I just didn't know how. I would send her calming vibes but they didn't seem to affect her. It's like she closed herself off from the world and from her body. It was like she was numb and void.

On my sixth visit to the tree by her room I felt fiercest, purest, unadulterated _anger_ I have ever come across in my 150 years. I quickly scale the tree and I all I see is Bella and Charlie sitting in the mass destruction that use to be her room. Papers, broken wood, and broken glass. I could smell the blood and the tears. I can hear her heart wrenching sobs asking why. It broke my cold, unmoving heart.

She was broken. She was a little girl crying in the arms of her father asking why the boy doesn't love her. She needed to be healed. She's not ready for love. She needs to know that there is someone who will be by her. I should make my presence known now. I leave when Charlie lays her down in her bed.

I go hunting. I down a few deer and an elk. My eyes should now be a brownish amber color. On the way to Forks I fed on a few humans. All of them the scum of society. I don't think it would be a good idea for Bella to see with red eyes. Not right now. I will ease her into it.

As I near Bella's house I steel myself for possible disappointment. I scale the tree quickly and without making a sound. I peer into her window and see her easing into the bed. I try to feel her emotions and at first I didn't feel them. Then I concentrated on her and I felt her pain, her worthlessness, her anger, her self-loathing, her shame, her hurt. I could feel everything. It hurt me to know that she is that much pain, in that much anguish and not help her.

I pry open her window and climb in, she doesn't notice me at first. I observe her for a moment. Then I hear and feel her hiss in pain.

"Maybe you should be a little gentler with yourself Darlin'." I whisper. She looks up at me and gasps.

BPOV

I look at the blonde vampire in front of me in complete and utter shock. He looks the same. Of course he would look the same, but something about him is different somehow. He seems more relaxed or something. I look him up and down and take notice in the cowboy boots that seemed to take the place of the loafers, the jeans that took the place of the khaki pants, and a grin took the place of a scowl. It was nice seeing him relaxed. But he still looked tense somehow.

"What are you doing here Jasper," I question. I know he feels my curiosity. I cocked my head a little to the left as I studied him. He looks clean, he had bags under his eyes, but it was his eyes that got me. There were little flecks of red in his liquid amber eyes and if you look close enough you could see red swirling in the depths.

He takes a deep breath before answering, "I came to see you Bella. I had to make sure you were oaky. I never wanted to leave like that."

"Why you? Why are you the only one who came? Do I mean so little to your _'family?'." _I get up out my med and stalks towards him. I look him in the eye or as much as I can look him in the eyes. His 6 foot 3 frame easily towering over my 5 foot 4 frame. "Why are you really here Jasper? I see the red in your eyes," I saw him flinch but I kept going, "Have you come to finish the job of killing me? Since _he_ didn't finish the job at my party?" I know I was being harsh but my hatred for his family clouded over reason.

He look hurt by my words and part of me cared but I needed answers and I wanted them now. I didn't care for his feelings when his 'family' obviously didn't care much for mine. Do they know what my life has been like since they left? Do they know the internal _hell _I've been in? Do they even care about how much they hurt me?

"No Bella. I'm not here to kill you or even hurt you. Alice has been keeping visions from us. I didn't know until the day before I came to Forks."

"You're here by yourself? No one else is here with you?"

"Yes I'm by myself. I left the Cullens as soon as I heard about how you've been." As soon as I heard that relief coursed throughout my body. I didn't want to deal with them not after what they did to me. But something stopped me in my tracks. Alice hiding visions?

"You said that Alice had been hiding visions. Visions about what in particular?"

"About you. About my future. About her future. About Edward's future. Hell everyone's future."

The anger I felt at Alice flared to an all new height. I was disgusted with her. She claimed I was her best friend. She claimed that she would be there for me. She said she always thought about my best interest. She was the reason I went out with Edward in the first place. If I had never listened to Alice I would have never went through this hurt and this pain.

"Did she know? Did they know?" I all but whisper angrily. I look up with all the pain in my eyes to see his confused gaze.

"Did they know? Did they know what my life has been like since they left? Did they know the internal hell I've been in? Did they even care about how much they hurt me?" I fist my hands in his shirt and start pounding at his hard chest. I start crying but I keep pounding. I feel cold stone like hands grab my own and he pulled me into a hug. I was so startled, my eyes were wide with shock. He started speak and his voice was gruff and low, "Don't you cry. Don't you dare cry for another guy in front of me…ever. He isn't worth your tears. You should never cry for anyone. She isn't worth your tears. Never waste your tears. Show them that you are strong."

I pull away from his arms, no matter how good it felt for him to be holding me and no matter how good the tingles felt. I had to let go. I couldn't be dazzled and sucked in again. I had to be strong.

"You never really told me why you're here. You just popped back up. What were you expecting? A welcome back party? Warm tears and hugs?"

"No I wasn't really expecting anything. I didn't just pop up. I've been here over a week. As soon as I learned the truth about Alice and Edward I left and ran here."

"You ran? Why didn't you drive?"

"I knew I had to get here as soon as possible to fix a mistake I made. I had to make sure you were okay. I had to make sure that I could help you and… and maybe be gain your friendship." He looked so nervous. I never saw a vampire fidget before. It was kind of cute. If I still could I would laugh.

"Fix what Jasper? We hardly even know each other. What mistake did you make?"

"I tried to kill you. At your birthday party. You remember? I lunged at yo-"I cut him off. Knowing he was about to say some bull shit that was not his fault.

"You didn't lunge at me Jasper. You lunged at Edward," his name causes the knives in my heart to twist and hurt more, "All you were doing was trying to protect me. I may be human but I see more than you think." I sat down on my bed. "I saw the hunger in Edward's eyes and I saw the fear in yours. Everyone just misunderstood because apparently you are 'dangerous'. I knew you were protecting me. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. It was _their _mistake, not yours."

He stood there looking mystified at what I just said. I just looked at him.

"How long are staying?"

"As long as I need to. I'm worried for you. When I came a week ago, I felt nothing from you. It was like you were dead, it was like you weren't even numb. You were just dead. I'm staying as long as it takes to make you feel. Maybe even longer if I'm accepted."

"You're staying to make me feel? You're trying to heal me? It's too late for that I'm already dead."

No, you're not. You're in there."

"Bella died the moment your brother left me in the woods."

_Do you know what it's like to feel dead but know you're alive?_

_Do you know what it's like to know that the one _

_You loved was the one that killed you in_

_The beginning. _

_To have no one care enough to try and bring you back to life._

_The knife that is heartbreak stabs you repeatedly _

_In the heart. Knowing you can't take it_

_But it continues to kill you slowly_

_Enjoying to see you in pain_

_The pain that it caused._

_You heart now shredded and bleeding beyond repair _

_Wants to be fixed but you're so damaged that_

_It finally gives up and stops_

_It finally sees that the pain of it continuing to_

_Beat with no one there to care_

_Is too much to handle._

_You finally give up and stop trying to go on_

_You finally give up and go to a place with no heartbreak_

_You finally die of pain and heartbreak._

_Do you remember when you said you loved me?_

_Do you remember telling me you cared?_

_Do you remember saying,_

_You will always be there?_

_I loved you with all I had_

_With everything I owned,_

_I just want to hear you_

_I want to pick up the phone._

_But then I think, why?_

_Why am I calling you?_

_Is it possibly because_

_I have nothing better to do?_

_You said I was the best you ever had,_

_Do you still think the same?_

_Will you please bring me back,_

_Into this game?_

_I loved you, and I still do,_

_But I must try to let go._

_Try not to think of_

_All my old hopes._

_**A/N: Well there is chapter 7 for you fine folk. It was a real hassle to write I hope I wrote it good. i was too lazy to edit so all mistakes are my own.**_

_**Acknowledgements: the first poem came from a guy named James Webster,**_ _**the second one was my own and the third one was from Anastasia. They were both from the same website. I forgot. **_

"_**Don't you cry. Don't you ever shed tears for another guy in front of me…ever." Came from one of my favorite Korean Drama **__Flower Boy Ramyun Shop. Cha Chi Soo said it Yang Eun Bi in Episode 8 in the bathroom. I changed it around a bit. _

_**I will at the end of chapter 10 make a list of all the people who Favorite or Alerted or Reviewed me or the story. So thanks.**_

_**Review, Alert, Fave, PM DO whatever **_

_**~.~CWH**_


	8. Chapter 8: Tragedy

A/N: Okay not important to some but to me it's super important. Special thanks to the one and only Lady Skyelite for her review to chapter 7. It means a lot to me to know that someone cares.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything but my own plot and my weirdness.

Chapter 8: Tragedy

APOV (Alice)

No. No. No. NO!

The future changed…again. The future now never seems to stay the same. Something is always changing.

My future in particular is always blurry now. It seems they can't make up their mind to either kill me or let me suffer. Edward's future it seems is definite. They kill him after torturing him a bit it seems. His future never changes. But mine it gets worse and worse.

Now that I can't see Jasper or Bella my visions have been short and few. Something is blocking me from seeing Jasper and Bella's future. It could be Bella's shield or the fact that neither of them has made a decision yet.

Jasper's been gone for over a week now. Edward and I are still healing from his interrogation. Carlisle and the others were not happy about that. The only ones that didn't seem fazed by the story about Jasper that Edward and I told were Rosalie and Emmett.

I have to watch their futures.

Edward and I have decided not to go to Forks in the near future because I don't know what will happen once we get there. The future for us, well me, is blurry. Jasper could either kill us or anything really.

Carlisle insists on us going to Forks to get Bella away from harm but if anything it's us that is in danger. No one knows that Jasper is Bella's mate and I don't plan on telling anyone either.

I look towards Edward, _We have to have a little talk. Things are not going as planned, _I think to him.

"Edward and I are going hunting. We will be back later tomorrow." I grabbed Edward's hand and dragged him out the patio door into the surrounding wilderness.

We ran for maybe an hour or two before we stopped. I turn to Edward.

"The future is really crazy right now. He did what we didn't want him to do, he went to Forks, contacted Bella, and she let him in. Now that that has happened out futures don't look too good. In fact, I can't see our futures at all. It's really blurry and I'm scared that we won't make it." I rambled on furiously fueled by my own fear at the future that I might not have.

"What have you seen so for Alice?"

"Death. Your death it seems is definite. No matter what scenario I come up with, you always seem to die. You're basically a dead man walking. You have up until the time that Bella is changed, after she is changed you're dead."

"What about you Alice? Are you dead or do you live?"

"I don't know, not for sure."

JPOV

So far everything in Forks has been going well. Bella is still the way she was when I first came to Forks. She's still dead inside. I still feel not on emotion from her. But I know she's still in there, behind all the hurt and the pain.

She flinched every time she hears either Edward's or Alice's name. And every once and a while I will feel this tiny flicker of anger every time another Cullen is mentioned. Nothing has changed and that makes me angry. She refuses to tell me about what went down in the woods the day that Edward left her. All she says is that he left her in woods. I want to know more but I don't want to push her too far and make her hate me.

As I sit in the rocking chair in her room by the window I read to her. It's from one of her favorite books, Wuthering Heights. I had been reading for 30 minutes when she interrupted me, "You have a nice voice, Jasper. It has a southern twang to it. I like it."

"Well why thank you Darlin'", I reply back making sure to make my accent heavier.

"Were you from the south?"

"Yes I was. I was born and raised in Texas. You know, I fought in the Civil War?"

You didn't have to feel her emotions to know that she was surprised, "Really? You fought in the Civil War?"

"Yes Ma'am. I was the youngest Confederate Major. I lied about my age and even without lying I still would have been the youngest."

"You fought to keep slavery? But that is so immoral. Owning people and making them work for barely minimum wage. I don't like the idea of slavery."

"Back then I didn't know slavery was bad. At our home I didn't even know the workers were slaves, they were like us just different in color. The slaves on our farm were not slaves at all they were free to leave when they pleased. But if you look at it this way, do you consider maids or butlers slaves?"

She took a while to answer, "No."

"Well to an extent they are slaves. Working for people higher than them for barely minimum wage, considered different because they don't lead a successful life, they have to clean, cook, wash, and work for someone who sort of owns them to support their families. Are you going to start a war to free maids, butlers, gardeners, bodyguards and chauffeurs?"

"No but still it's wrong to own people. They're not toys or mindless possessions, they are people and they need to be treated as stuff," she huffed as she crossed her arms. I peeked at from under my eyelashes and chuckled. She looked up with flames flickering in her eyes, "What's so funny Hale?"

"Whitlock Darlin'. And it's you. You're funny. You look like a child who just got scolded for trying to steal a cookie out the cookie jar. You're pouting, it's cute."

"Whitlock? Since when is your name Whitlock?"

"Oh I don't know since maybe the 1800s," I say smartly.

"Smart ass," she mumbles under her breath.

"Sorry Darlin' I didn't catch that."

She got up out the bed and walked towards me and leaned down in my ear she spoke softly, "I said…SMART ASS!" she yelled in my ear. My head had a dull ringing sound. I chuckled.

She walked her way back to her bed. She laid back down.

"Are you going to continue reading? Or can you tell me a story?" I thought about this. This could be the perfect opportunity for her to tell me about what happened in the woods.

"I'll tell you one if you tell me one. Deal?"

"Deal."

"What do you want to know, Darlin'?"

"How did you become a vampire? I know that yours not as…good as the others." I felt my mood darken considerably.

"This isn't a bed time story Bella. It's not a happy one. My beginning as vampire was a dark and gruesome one."

"I can handle it."

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_**I was evacuating a medium size group of women and children from Galveston when I met them. Or more so her. Their names were Nettie, Lucy, and Maria. Me being the soldier I am, I'm thinking that they are stray women who get disconnected from the herd. I ride up to them. At first all I see is three shy, stranded women in need of assistance.**_

"_**Ma'am is there anything I can help you with? Are you lost? Did you get disbanded from the other women?" **_

_**It was Maria who spoke. She asked me a simple question but I was hesitant to answer. I don't know why but when she spoke my heart beat a little faster, my palms began sweat, and something in me yelled to be careful. Something in me told me to be scared of her. But I'm soldier there is nothing I should be afraid of.**_

"_**What's your name soldier?" Her voice so smooth, so silky, so exotic. It called to me in a way. Like the soldier I was I answered, "Major Jasper Whitlock at your service ladies."**_

"_**Hmm. A Major Maria." The blonde one said.**_

"_**He's a high ranking soldier he could be of good use for battles." Another brunette said. Maria looked me up and down. She walked around me in circles. There were sweat drops on my forehead. Everything in my body told me to be scared but I didn't want to show these women that I was scared. She got close to my neck and sniffed. My body tensed up and my heart sped up. My mind went into overload.**_

"_**Yes Nettie you are correct." She leans into my ear and whispers, "You may be of great use to me…Jaasssperr." She leaned in and bit my neck. All I saw was darkness.**_

_**There was so much pain. It felt like fire in my body that never let up even though I was already charred. I couldn't move I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell people to kill me, to end this agony going on in my body. It felt like years before the fire finally stopped. It receded slowly from my body but it ended up my heart. It made my heart feel like it was going to pound out of my chest.**_

_**When I woke up everything was so clear. Sounds were enhanced, sights were clearer, smell was stronger, and everything was different. Even though it was dark I could see everything clearly. I could see the different colored dust motes in the air, I could see the tiny little cracks in the wood. I could see the sunlight in the itty bitty cracks in the corner of the shack. I could hear the conversations outside of the walls. **_

"_**Listen, his heart has stopped. He's awake." I feel something pricking at the back of my head. All at once emotions hit me. Fear, anger, pain, grief, regret, hurt, agony, love, hate, guilt, anticipation, happiness, malice, distrust, deceit, confusion, thoughtfulness, wonder, and loathing. Where are all these coming from? I fall to my knees in agony. I scream! **_

_**The door creaks open and someone throws something in. I hear little thump thump. I hear the blood rushing through the skin. I sniff the air and the smell drives me into a frenzy. And before I knew it I had drained him. The feel of his blood going down my throat felt like paradise. Immediately I wanted another. I needed more blood to stop this burning in my throat. I wanted more, I needed more. **_

_**The door creaked open again but this time a person entered and she walked towards me. I started to crawl into the corner the closer she got. I didn't trust her.**_

_**From that moment on I didn't trust her. I learned that when you trust people you end up dead. You only trust yourself sometimes not even trust yourself. Trust can get you killed. Any emotion that not lethal can get you killed. Trust, love, compassion, hurt, pain, anything. Any emotion can get you killed.**_

_**Maria was a cold, sadistic women. What she wanted she got, no matter what. I was her minion, her second in command. Whatever she wanted done, I did. Slaughter a village, change 200 humans, raped her, raped him, kill her, kill him, take over this land, and take over that land, all of it done. It was done because there was nothing I could do. I loved her or I thought I loved her. Her hold on me was outrageous. She told me she loved me, I told myself that she loved me, I told myself that I loved her, but I didn't even know what love was. I all I knew was blood lust. Blood, lust, hate, anger, fear, guilt, remorse, and self-hatred. **_

_**Everything was bleak and bloody. All you saw was blood and gore. Destruction. Then a light in the darkness came. Peter. Even living in this hell his emotions never faltered. He was the anchor that kept me up. His emotions were my safe haven away from the hell that was Maria. But just like all good things they have to come to an end. **_

_**Another vampire named Charlotte entered the compound and his emotions shifted. They were still his emotions that kept me anchored but there was another emotion. When it was time to kill the newborns he reacted differently than he ever has. He protected the vampire called Charlotte. It was then I realized the new emotion he felt was love and no matter how cold I could be I would never take that loved away from another person. I let him take her away. He left while I stayed in hell. **_

_**I was on auto pilot after that. Just going through the motions before I snapped. I couldn't take the pain, the grief, I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped. When it was time to kill the newborns again, I just didn't kill the newborns, I killed everyone. I saved Maria for last. I wanted her to know that it was the end. I killed her slowly, letting her feel the pain I've been in since I woke up to this life. **_

_**But the pain and guilt and the grief didn't end. I could still feel the emotions of everyone I killed. It became too much. I was in such turmoil. I tried to end it several times. It became too muc-"**_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

I couldn't finish the story, all the memories and emotions caught up to me. I looked up at Bella and I could tell she could see the pain and guilt in my eyes.

"You don't have to continue, Jasper." I look her in the eyes.

"You aren't the only who's lost their way. You're not the only one who's lost. You're not the only one who died on the inside."

A/N: Well there is chapter 8. Not sayin much in the chapter.

Review, Alert, Fave, PM,

~.~CWH01


	9. Chapter 9: Opening Up

A/N: I'm back. I said it wasn't going to be too long and I was sort of right. I missed writing my fan fiction. I had all these ideas running in my head and I couldn't write it down. I was so sad. But never fear I'm back. This chapter might short.

* * *

Chapter 9: Opening Up

BPOV

"You aren't the only who's lost their way. You're not the only one who's lost. You're not the only one who died on the inside."

I looked into his eyes and saw his pain, remorse and guilt for all the things he had to do to survive.

I got up from my place on my bed and walked over to him slowly. When I reached him I kneeled down in front of him, and grabbed one of his cold, stone-like hands in both of my warm, human-like hands.

I looked into his eyes and held them there.

"You did what you had to do to survive. You did only what you had to do. You didn't know that there was another way to live. She had you brain washed and under a spell. You're not like that anymore. You grew and changed. You became stronger. You're not a monster or a demon. You're a survivor. If you can survive the hell that is Maria, you can survive anything." I searched his eyes to see if he believed me. He didn't.

He slowly removed his hand from mines.

"I am a monster Bella. When people look at me they fear my very presence. They know to be wary of me. They see my scars and instantly become scared. My scars say I'm dangerous. My scars tell people that I have fought and have never lost. I'm a monster; I'm a monster that you should fear. You should be scared of me not wanting me to tell you a story or to read a book to you. You should be screaming and shaking in fear, not holding my hands trying to comfort me!" He stands almost knocking the chair back. His eyes are blazing but I still hold my ground.

"I know you Jasper. You are not the monster you claim to be. Sure you can be scary but you are not a monster."

He looks at then he looks away. He repeats this action 3 times, before he finally sighs and plops back down in the chair.

It was silent for a while; neither of us knew what to say.

I broke the silence, "Since you told me a story I'll tell you one."

"About what," he questioned.

"About the day Edward left me in the woods."

* * *

_Poor girl, I see how you hurt._

_Set against you is your own life,_

_Gives you so much struggle and strife._

_You're pushed facedown into the dirt._

_Dear child, why don't you seek_

_The help and love you need?_

_You cannot live without this feed._

_Your pain has reached its peak._

_There are those who would care,_

_If only they could know._

_Sweet baby, let the words flow._

_Open your heart if you dare._

_Yet you shut your mouth tight._

_Too scared to expose yourself,_

_You hide your pain high on a shelf._

_Poor child, you fight with all your might._

_Is it so hard for you_

_To be vulnerable and trust others?_

_They're not strangers, but sister, brothers._

_Trust isn't such a bad thing to do._

_And sweetie if you hide your pain_

_For too long I think you'll find_

_It hurts more to keep it confined_

_Than to be treated inhumane._

_For if you open up and yet_

_Are rejected all the same,_

_You are at least not to blame._

_Not knowing is worse than the threat._

_So don't be afraid, little one,_

_Of those outside your own mind._

_More so than you think, they are kind._

_Realize this and your pain is done_

* * *

_***Flashback***_

_**For the past three of four days after my horrendous birthday party Edward and the Cullen's for the most part have been ignoring me. It hurt me knowing that they wouldn't even talk to me about what happened at the party. I hate being left out of things, especially when it concerns me. I have a right to know what's going on considering it is me and my life. **_

_**I haven't seen the Cullen's that much after the party. I barely catch glimpses of them. I don't hear Emmett's loud booming voice, Alice's tinkling laugh, or Edward's velvety voice. I wonder what could be so important to discuss that they have to miss four days of school for. **_

_**I thought about this on my drive home. When I got out the truck at my house, I looked to the woods like I always do now. I didn't see anything. I start to walk towards the door when I hear him. His voice after four days of not hearing sounded like the world's sweetest lullaby. But the look on his face made my world crumble around me. His face that usually had a wonderful, dazzling smile painted onto it was now an emotionless, blank canvas.**_

"_**Hello Bella," his velvety voice spoke. **_

_**I was speechless, the look on his face making it hard to speak.**_

"_**Ed-Edward. What are you doing here? Where is the rest of the family," I asked timidly.**_

_**He took tiny steps forward and held out his hand, "Take a walk with me."**_

_**I took his hand and he led me into the woods. I kept looking back towards the house. I didn't know my way around the woods and I didn't want to get lost. **_

_**Unexpectedly, Edward dropped like hand like it was on fire. I looked up at him shocked; I became even more shocked at his eyes. Once a beautiful golden topaz, were now an empty black. **_

"_**Edward, what's going on? What's wrong." I searched his eyes for any kind of answer. I didn't find one.**_

"_**Bella…it's over between us. This, what we have, it never should have happened. This relationship was a mistake." He said it so coldly that it took my breath away.**_

"_**Edward, that's not funny. What's really going on?"**_

"_**Bella I'm not joking. Our relationship is over."**_

"_**Is this about my party? Edward it was an accident, it-"**_

"_**It never should have happened." He interrupted me. His face and his eyes were cold and hard. I couldn't stand looking at him. I look to the ground, suddenly finding the insects to be the most interesting thing ever.**_

_**He ran his hand through his hair.**_

"_**I was stupid to think that I could be with a fragile, weak human. A human isn't fit to be with a vampire. I thought my pull to you would be enough but it wasn't."**_

"_**Edward…don't do this. Please…don't do this. We've been through far worse than this. The love we have each other have made it through far worse."**_

"_**I don't love you. I don't think I ever did." **_

_**I gasp. I gasp like a drowning person gasping for air that won't ever come. How could he? It felt like a thousand and one knives and swords stabbing at my heart.**_

_**He continues speaking, "I can't love someone like you, Bella. You're too plain, dull, and weak. You're worth all the trouble and danger. But please don't anything stupid and reckless. Live your life as a human and be happy."**_

_**He gave a small peck on the forehead and then nothing.**_

_**I was so stupid. I felt like my world was ending. Edward can't leave me. He loves me. He just can't.**_

"_**EDWARD!" **_

"_**EDWARD!"**_

_**I repeat his name over and over. Hoping he can hear, hoping he's still there. I start running. I don't know why, but I ran after him. I fell more than once but I got back up. He can't leave me. NO!**_

_**I crumbled to the ground, sobbing.**_

"_**No…no…he can't be gone. He's going to come back for me."**_

_**I don't know how long I was in the woods, one the ground crying and begging for him to come back. At one point I passed out. Then I felt someone pick me up. Someone really warm and it felt wrong. This felt so wrong. **_

_**I started fighting the person holding me. I wanted to yell at them to put me down but I couldn't. They wouldn't let me go. I just gave up. I just let the darkness over take me.**_

* * *

_***End Flashback***_

_It's like I'm empty inside_

_My hearts beating but all _

_It's doing is keeping me alive_

_I'm starting to wonder why I even try_

_Is it worth it to bleed just _

_To survive_

_Deep in my stomach I start to churn_

_Another lie another bridge to burn_

_Am I just nothing_

_Trapped in this despair _

_In this wasteland I disappear_

_Finally drove over board by my fears_

_Lost in the dark abyss_

_My life is clipped_

_The thread I held onto broke_

_And I slipped_

_No more wasteland_

_No more tears_

_No more being held by my fears_

_No more lies _

_Just this peace and calm is enough_

* * *

A/N: Hey Hey people. Not as good as I wanted it but it will take a while to get back in the groove of things. None of the poems are mine. The first one came from cat696 and the second came from my friend. I'm glad to have posted this chapter.

Show how much you love or hate it. Tell what words I accidently forgot to put in there so I can edit it. I was too lazy to edit and reread it and I don't wanna bother a beta to do it.

Until Next Time: R&R Alert Fave PM anything

~CWH01~


	10. Chapter 10: Trust

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO TWILIGTH. I THINK I FORGOT TO PUT A DISCLAIMER IN THE LAST CHAPTER I WILLL GET AROUND TO DOING THAT.

Chapter 10: Trust

_Wait, I'm wrong_

_Should have done better than this_

_Please, I'll be strong_

_I'm finding it hard to resist_

_So show me what I'm looking for_

_Save me, I'm lost_

_Oh, Lord, I've been waiting for you_

_I'll pay any cost_

_Save me from being confused_

_Show me what I'm looking for_

_Show me what I'm looking for, oh, Lord_

I told the story has calmly as I could. It was very hard to relive that moment when my world ended; the pain came back full circle. I clutched at my chest in a way to try to sooth the ache within me. I stood there gasping for the air that just wouldn't reach my lungs. Suddenly I feel cold, stone-like arms encircle around me waist. I froze momentarily before I relaxed in the comforting embrace. Tears silently trail down my face.

"It's okay. It's okay Bells. Let it all out. Just cry." Jasper says soothingly.

And I do just that. I cry. I cry the love I lost. I cry for the family that abandoned me. I cry for the lost time. I cry for making Charlie suffer. I cry for the friends I lost. I cry for myself. I cry for everything bad that happened since meeting Edward.

I don't know how long I cried in Jasper's arms. But I do know that I ruined his shirt with my snot and tears. I pulled back and looked down at my lap. My hair curtained my face, I didn't want him to see me shame and embarrassment even though I know he can probably feel it. I felt his hand push my hair back behind my ear. He pulled my head up to look at him.

"You don't have to be embarrassed at crying in front of me. I will always be your shoulder to cry on. Don't ever feel embarrassed around me. Okay?"

I nod my head. "It's just hard to relive those moments. It brings the pain back and I don't want to feel it."

"Bella… I'm so sorry. I didn't know Edward did that to you. He told us that you agreed that breaking up would be best and that you were civil. I didn't know that he left you in the middle of the woods. I didn't know that he said all the things to you. You have to believe me Bella. If I had known I wouldn't have ever left. Please believe me."

"I know Jasper. I trust you." There was a pause in conversation. You could cut the tension in the room. Not long after Jasper speaks, "Bella let me help you get better. Let me help you keep the pain away. I want to show you that you are worth the time that you're worth so much more than you feel. Please let me show you."

"I...don't want – I don't want to get hurt again. When you guys left it took everything in me not to die. You took every part of me with you. I don't want to be in that pain again. What will you do after you finish "healing me"? Will you leave? Will you stay? Will you say fuck you Bella once you can't help me? Hmm? Will you be just like your douchebag asshat of a brother? I trust you with some things but I can't trust you not to leave me when you did once before. I can't." I look at him with tears in my eyes and pain in my eyes. I don't know how else to tell him that my trust in people is broken. I don't know how to tell him that I'm broken beyond repair. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to put too much trust in him and have him leave.

"Please, Bella? I'm nothing like Edward. I'm far from him. I won't leave you, not when you need me most." I looked into his eyes and saw how much he wanted to help me but I just couldn't let him in. not after what happened.

"I'm sorry Jasper." I saw looking down at the bed.

"Bella-"

I cut him off, "I think you need to go for right now Jasper. It's just too much right now. Please leave." I continue looking down. The only thing indicating that he left was the slight breeze in the air. I plop down on my bed and lay back. I cry again for the second time today but now there is no one to hold me while I cry. That fact alone makes me cry more.

_Trust is earned_

_But once violated_

_It's difficult to regain_

_When do you trust? _

_Who do you trust? _

_You trust with your mind_

_You trust with your heart_

_You trust with honor_

_You trust with pride_

_You trust with expectations_

_But is putting trust in someone worth it? _

_Tell me, is it? _

_I've tried to trust_

_But ended up with betrayal_

_And cannot allow it to occur again_

_I opened my mind_

_Opened my heart_

_But only received _

_A shattered heart_

_Now I know not to trust so easily_

It's been about a week since I told Jasper to leave and he has not contacted me since. I've got not one phone call, text, email, message in a bottle, a whisper in the wind, and I haven't even caught his scent next to my window sill. I think I made a mistake telling him to leave. All he wanted to do was help me get back to where I was before the woods happened. I pushed him away. I'm a horrible person. Edward was right. Edward was always right.

I want to stop this pain. I want to the Bella that was fun, vibrant, free, and just me. I want to be the best Bella I can be. I walked over to my phone that was on my oak wood nightstand. I picked it up and went to my contacts, scrolling for Jasper's number. I find his number and went for the call button but paused. I hesitated but ended up pushing the call button.

It rung once. Twice. Three times

Four.

Five.

And then he picked up just as I was about to hang up.

"Hey."

"Jasper…hey"

"Right now is not a good time Bella. I'm going to have to call you back", he states.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you later", with that he hung up.

*~At the Cullen House~*

I stare at the people in front of me with cold, hard, blank eyes. There is no emotion on my face.

"Why are you here?"

Their stances were tense and defensive. Well as they defensive as they could be.

I don't even give them a chance to speak before I strike.

A/N: Well there is chapter 10. We see more of Bella opening up but still not fully trusting our cowboy.

Who are the mystery people Jasper is talking to?

Acknowledgements: the first saying is from a song by Carolina Liar called Show Me What I'm looking For. The second one is from this site: poem/trust-218/

And now the long list of people who have supported me throughout these 10 chapters and so:

_**1991may Warrior of Olympus catjumped1 MyDogSirius NicoNepenthe GabrielsBellaw odunbar3 garose35 Demicole NatalieLynn sammyw45 Luthiaesc HallieSaw stubbendick26 bbycakes007 Ella Whitlock viau1 SilverMistt Belatrix233 prunelle05 Webbie 298 Lady Skyelite Konohashinobi07 blueeyedprincess100 dolhpin33 Kcasey92 LunarWolfess lucylu0508 jasper100 1 Xo Bella Italiana oX raine1969 psychovampirefreak knightshadow31 dewert10 waterangel55 Diamondz-Love lyndz91 Lovable Bella chibi kitsune12 jinto22 estreja10 Mercedes Johnson Speedyraider Aoika Midnight-rose19 mads410 KC420 Alliboba14 BabyGirl44 Backlinedeyes cheetahgl4 Stjarna09 fallenblackangel44 Ciara-Rayne Jazzella-love85 Pearls-A-QT Sarasrii vikinglass25 MaximumRideTwilightLover midnightapril872 gokuhikaru82 Nari88 River Nailo-Chaos Kitaluv slack2011 KittenEyez ksas4 DK87 missredkat Dustykins crazyikleangel straight up g 52 mbrunberg1 aecarey willow0live SarahanjoMiller rockette1987 brikaspoms Lil Hatchet da lette.**_

I got as many as I could. Sorry if I didn't get anyone.

I love and thank you all for all that you've done to help me. Anything is welcomed review, favorite, alert, pm, share.

With all the love

~CWH01~


	11. Chapter 11: Worry

**A/N: I had serious writers' block when writing this chapter so basically I was winging it in this chapter. I wanted this chapter to leave you with even more of a cliffhanger but….that may not happen. I also wanted it to answer the cliff hanger but that may not happen either. So the chapter may be off topic or something. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not regrettably so own twilight or any of its recognizable characters so don't sue me so I won't cry no matter how much I want to.**

**NOT EDITED. (****not that they ever are****)**

Chapter 11: Worry

PPOV (Peter)

Oh. No.

No.

No.

No.

NO!

What shit has the Major gotten himself in now? My little "knower" has been going off the rockets with warnings about the Major.

It's not that I don't mind it going off but it has given me little to shit about what's going on. It's so frustrating. I don't wanna go to him guns blazin' an' be wrong bout the situation. So I decide to call ova' my sweet lil' wife Char.

"Char," I yell.

I hear her sigh in exasperation and at that I smile.

"What is it Peter? I'm not gonna have any more sex wit' ya today, so if that is what ya want then, you shit out of luck there hun," she said as she walked into the room.

"Now every time I call doesn't mean I want sex." I argue

"Lies."

"The reason I called ya here today suga is not because of sex, but our dear sweet friend the Major."

She took a short pause before she shifted her weight on her left leg and put her hand on her hip, "What shit did he get himself into now?"

"That's exactly what I said! How much trouble can one man cause?!"

I swear as days and decades go by the Major causes me to age. I think I found a gray hair or two when I looked in the mirror yesterday.

"What happened to him this time, Peter?"

"I don't really know. My "knower" isn't really telling me much this time. All I know is that we have to go to Forks and it deals with some girl."

"That's all?"

"That's it."

"Do you know if the girl is his _actual _mate?"

"Uhh…No."

"So we gon' go to this Forks place guns blazin' for some random hussy the Major done gon' and picked up?"

"Basically," I shrugged.

There was a pause in the conversation.

"Well alright then. Let's go an' start packin'." She started to walk out of the room but I stopped her by grabbing her arm. I looked up at her with a serious look in my eyes.

"Do you happen to see any gray hairs in my hair?" I asked her with all seriousness in my voice. What I was expecting was her to actually answer my question, not smack me in the back of my head.

"Idiot. You were barely 24 when you were changed why would have gray hairs?"

"The Major." She just looked at me like I done gon' an' grew a second head.

"Can you just check for me?"

My dear sweet wife just responded by walking away from me, leaving me thinking that I have gray hair.

We were running straight towards Forks straight out of Texas. (1) We knew that it would take us a few hours or a day to get to Washington if we ran at our fastest. On our way I got a "feeling" that we needed to have semi golden eyes, so during our run we fed on animals. This by the way was disgusting. I don't get how the animal munchers do it. It was not the most appetizing choice in the world when you have other more tasteful options. Charlotte was more than displeased, ranting about how we shouldn't help the Major every time he gets himself in deep shit.

It took us a day and a half to get to Forks. It was a long and tiring journey with Charlotte yapping on about how she was going to rip the Major a new one for having her eat poor little Bambo … or was it Bama.

Bamba

What was that damned deer's name?

_Bambi!_

Damned deer's name was fuckin' Bambi.

As soon as you get to the border of Forks, all you can smell is Jasper's scent. You can tell that he's tellin' other vampires that this is his territory and not to come near it.

_What's so important about this little town? Or who? _

"Peter, what is in this town to where he went through the length of marking territory? There ain't much to this place." Char slowly started walkin' to the border, "All you smell is Jasper. What's so damned important here," she asked as she turns my way with worry, confusion, and apprehension in her eyes.

"We are here to find out sugar."

"Well it_ has_ to be important or _she_ has to be important."

We continued running along Forks following Jasper's scent. We went in a couple of circles and went back and forth between the town and border. From what we could see the town is a really small town, seems like nothing special is here. The town itself seemed like a good place to live but mediocre all the same. Finally we come to a trail that leads us to a big, white, glass mansion. Jasper's scent is the strongest here. We go to the door to find it unlocked and open, so being the curious man I am I want to find out what's in the inside.

"Peter", Char hisses at me.

"I have to see if he's been here recently." I sniffed the sir and got strong scents of Jasper. He's been here and left not too long ago. About 13 and a half minutes top.

I return outside to Char.

"He left not too long ago. He should be back soon. How bout wait we just wait here?"

"Okay that's fine with me."

We've been here in the yard of the house Jasper is staying at for an hour now, when we hear rustling coming from the trees on the north side.

The wind is not in our favor; the wind is blowing from the east. (2) So we crouch down in defensive crouches. I push Char slightly behind me and to the left. I don't know the danger of the situation and I wouldn't want to risk Char. Never risk Char.

As the wind shifted we caught the slight scent of Jasper just as he came into view.

After not seeing Jasper for almost 60 years we had to quickly scan his face. He had flecks and swirls of red in his slightly amber eyes, he looked feral but relaxed and calm, he looks the same scars and all, but he seems different. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak his phone rang. He took it out of his back pocket and looked at it. You can see his face soften just a bit as he looked it. You could tell he was debating whether or not to answer it

It rung once. Twice. Three times

Four.

Five.

And then he picked up, with a hard glare to us to make us stay rooted in our spots. It worked.

"Hey." His voice was gruff

"Jasper…hey", you could hear a quiet voice of a girl on the other end.

"Right now is not a good time Bella. I'm going to have to call you back", he states.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you later", with that he hung up.

He turns his attention back to us.

He stares at us with cold, hard, blank eyes. There is no emotion on his face.

"Why are you here?"

Our stances were tense and defensive. Well as defensive as they could be in the presence of the Major

He doesn't even let us breathe before he strikes us. We were expected it, but the way he stroked we weren't expecting. It wasn't even a real strike.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He was playing with us. That bastard! The jerk had us shitting our pants thinking that he was going to rip us apart. Ima kill that fucker next time I get my hands around his throat.

When we stop rolling, he's laughing his ass off. I couldn't even cuss him out 'cuz he looked so free. Char slapped him on the back of the head and scolds him.

"Ow Char. I haven't seen you in almost 60 years and you go an' slap me. What kind of love is that, woman?"

"Well you deserve more for almost killin' me an' my husband." She slaps him again and we both laugh as he pouts.

The Major pouting…I never thought I would live to see the day.

"No, but seriously why are you? Is anyone causing y'all problems down south?"

"No, no problems down south but there are some problems up north." I state to him with narrowed eyes.

"North? What is it?"

"It's you Major."

"Me? How is that Captain?" he questions

"You, sir, have been causin' my "Knower" to go on the fritz. Because of you it goes off every five seconds about you and how I need to come help you and all that shit."

"Nothing is going on here. It's just me here, no other vampires. I scope the area every few hours and I marked my scent all around this town. No one will come within 50 miles of this place."

"Who's the girl Jasper", Char ask haughtily. I chuckle deep in my throat but one look from the major silences me.

"She's no one you need to concern yourselves with. She's mine."

"She's yours?" I ask curiously. "How so is she yours? Last I checked Pixie Bitch was your forever."

"Alice is a lying, deceptive, conniving bitch who I want nothing more than to rip apart and burn her to what she is. Nothing."

"You never answered his questioned Major. How is she yours?"

There was an awkward pause as we waited for him to speak.

"She's my mate…and she's human." He says slowly and unsurely of how to tell us this information.

Once again there was a pause…

"Ima need you to repeat that suga 'cuz to me it sounded a lil' bit like you said she was your mate and that she's _human_." Char spoke incredulously. I just couldn't say anything; I just stared at him in shock and disbelief.

"Yes Char she's human. Her name is Isabella Swan, she's an 18 year old human girl with mahogany hair and chocolate brown eyes and she's my mate."

.

.

.

.

Oh shit.

Shit just got real.

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS SUCKY CHAPTER I HAD A HUGE CASE OF WRITER'S BLOCK AND I DIDN'T WANT TO YALL HANGIN FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER SO I WROTE THIS AS GOOD AS I COULD. I KNOW TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS NOT COOL BUT I'M GETTING A POINT ACROSS. I ALSO STARTED SCHOOL AND THAT ALSO MEANS MY JOSHY-POO GOES TO SCHOOL TOO (HE'S 6) I ALSO RECOMMEND Y'ALL TYPE SOME PRETTY NEGATIVE COMMENTS BECAUSE IT SUCKS. I don't expect anything good.

I didn't know where I wanted them to come from.

Don't judge but I don't know how to read a compass so I just chose my favorite direction

Also wanted to thank everyone who favorite and followed me and the story in the last chapter hope y'all got y'all's PM a **SPECIAL SHOUTOUT** to** Rainn74** for replying back and making me feel **SPECIAL** and another **SHOUTOUT **to **Hermy-78** Who I wish to encourage to write .

I THINK I'M GOING TO GO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND ROT ALONG WITH MY DECLINING STORY.

~.~CWH01


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I hope to make this chapter better. I want to make the story go a little faster sooo; I'm making the Jasper/Bella get together thing faster. We're very close to the halfway point. I planned for about 30 chapters maybe less.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not regrettably so own twilight or any recognizable characters, story line, or plot it all belongs to S. Meyer (a woman after my own heart)**

Chapter 12: Change

It's back. Those bad feelings. Those feelings I don't want to have. Those feelings of worthlessness have come back.

After Jasper hung up the phone, I had collapsed on my bed. I started to hyperventilate as flashbacks of what Edward said to me popped behind my eyelids.

_**"I can't love someone like you."**_

"_**You're too plain, dull, and weak."**_

"_**A fragile, weak human"**_

"_**You're not worth all the trouble and danger."**_

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the memories. I was strong…wasn't I? I didn't need Edward, I had Jasper.

.

.

.

.

.

I. Had. Jasper

Jasper.

When I thought of Jasper saying those words to me, it felt like my body would split in two and my reason for being would be gone. I just couldn't hear Jasper's sweet, deep, southern voice saying that to me. It should be a crime for a voice that sweet to say such harsh words.

His voice. So soft yet it was a deep baritone, every time he talked it was like he was singing a simple tune. I'm so in tune with his voice sometimes. I'm so in tune with his voice that when I know when he doesn't want me to know something.

The thoughts of his voice led to the way his voice sounded over the phone.

He sounded tense and strained like he was trying to sound calm and not worried. I wonder who he is with that made him so tense. I wonder where he's at right now. I wonder where he's been for the past few months.

Has he been staying at a hotel?

Has he been staying in a new place?

Has he been staying in the woods?

Or has he been staying at the Cullen house?

The last time I went to that house it was dusty and the yard was in desperate need of a lawn mower. No one had been in or went near that house for months. I didn't go inside or even to the back yard; I just parked my truck and stared at the big mansion like home.

How could he possibly be staying there? It is completely inhabitable, even for a vampire.

Ugh I can't be staying up all night talking about the well-being of a 170 year old vampire.

But that night he starred in my dreams and into the early morning.

* * *

Today I'm going to go to the Cullen house to see if Jasper is alright, if he's even there in the first place.

But something stopped my cold in my tracks. I don't have any kinds of transportation. My car broke down months ago, and Charlie has his police cruiser. I don't have any friends to call and ask to borrow their car.

I haven't talked to Angela in months.

I really hate the fakeness that is Jessica.

I refuse to even have any contact with Jacob.

Mike is just Mike and I don't want anything to do with him right now.

I guess my only option is to call Charlie and ask can he drop off the cruiser.

I walk down the stairs to the kitchen and go to house phone. I type in number for the assistant my dad has, Deputy Mark.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Forks Police Station, Deputy Mark speaking, how may I be of assistance?"

I take a deep breath, "Deputy Mark, it's Bella, can I speak with my dad?"

There was a silence.

"B-B-Bella?"

"Yes. Can you patch me through to Charlie please? It's kind of important."

"S-sure. One Second."

I heard a click and then silence. After about a minute there was another click and my dad's deep, gruff voice spoke through the receiver.

How I missed my dad's voice. I've been a horrible daughter lately, I need to fix that.

"Bells? Are you there?"

"Yeah dad it's me. I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, sure honey what is it?"

"I need to borrow the cruiser for a few hours."

I was met with silence. I waited for about two minutes before I broke the silence.

"Dad? Are you there?"

"Bells I can't let you drive the police car. It's against the law."

_**(A/N: I don't know much about police laws even though like five of my family members are cops and lawyers. I was too lazy to read the books)**_

"I really need a car dad. I just need a car for a few hours. Nothing bad will happen to it." I beg hoping he would let me borrow the car.

Once again there was silence.

_What's with all the silence today?_

Then out of nowhere my dad yells, "MARK! MARK GET IN HERE!"

You could hear Mark enter the room and greet my dad with so much respect in his voice.

"Deputy Mark did you ride your car here today?"

"My car, sir?"

"Yes your car, not your cruiser."

"Yes sir. I drove my car here. May I ask why sir?"

"It seems Bella is need of a car today and she doesn't have one. Would you mind if she borrowed yours for a little while?"

"No sir, not at all. As long as she doesn't trash it I'm fine."

My dad addresses me, "There you go Bells. Mark is going to come get you and you're going to drop him off back at the station. Got it?"

"Got it."

* * *

After going through the whole ordeal with Charlie and Deputy Mark I was finally on my way to the Cullen house.

Or the more proper word; Hell.

I started driving the road that use to be so familiar and once it was a happy road. It would lead me to my happiness, a family that I loved and I thought that loved me. Now this road just holds memories I don't want.

I parked a little way away from the main driveway. I know that if he wanted he could hear me. I walk the rest of the distance to the front door. Usually someone would already be at the door, greeting me, or in Rosalie's case, sneering at me.

I knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again.

No answer.

I push the door knob and the door opens.

_What stupid idiot leaves the door unlocked when they leave?_

_Stupido idiota. (__**I hope that's how you say it)**_

_Wait…damn I forgot to lock the front door. I'm an idiot._

I walk inside to the foyer. Maybe he's doing that emotional/vampire sleep/rest thingy that he does.

"Jasper?"

No answer. Not even a gust of wind.

I keep calling his name and I keep receiving no answer.

I finally give up with a sigh.

I look around the almost mansion like house and notice that all the furniture is still here. Only a few things are missing.

The urn that had Edward's birth mom. (1)

A vase that Carlisle got Esme on their anniversary.

A few pictures were missing also, nothing big was gone.

I know that I'm not supposed to do this, but I continued looking around the house. A lot of old memories flashed into my head; video games with Emmett, cooking with Esme, learning with Carlisle, cuddling with Edward, arguing with Alice, ignoring Rosalie, wondering about Jasper, and falling all over the place.

I went to the backyard and saw that Esme's garden was all but destroyed. In all actuality Esme wasn't even supposed to have a garden in Forks, certain flowers aren't supposed to grow here. But Esme being Esme she got it done and she had the world's most beautiful garden.

I sit on the slightly weathered patio bench, and just closed my eyes to think about how much different my life would be without the Cullen's'.

I woke up when I heard rustling in the bushes to my far left. I jolted up and looked up to see what was there. I took deep breaths at each passing second; basically I took half a breath because some male vampire with weird shaded eyes had me up against the side of the house before I even thought to move my lungs.

His grip on my neck was tight, venom leaking from his teeth, and a snarl in place. He looked vicious.

"Who are you", he snarled.

_Oh shit._

_**A/N: hello hey hiya hiyo. How is everyone? Please don't be mad I tried I really did but writer's block (I call it Tiffany because I name things that I hate after people I hate. No offense to the OTHER Tiffany's) anyway I tried to write this chapter on time but school and baby daddy drama, money problems, and just everything. I sent one person a teaser (forgot who it was sorry) and to everyone who did not get their PM….I'M SO SORRY THAT I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT. Replies to alerts, follows, and reviews will take longer. I will probably not post that many poems and journal entries until later.**_

_**P.S. I didn't know if they cremated their loved ones back then so just got with it.**_

_**P.S.S. I am accepting suggestion on what you guys want me to add in the story. It could be the craziest thing and I will TRY to add it somewhere in the upcoming chapters. You know so the story can be for the people by the people. It could be fairies, a character from another book or show, anything. For you by you.**_

_**P.S.S.S. I will also put up a poll (next week maybe or tomorrow) on of you guys want the wolves to come into this story anytime soon or if you want them at all.**_

_**Don't forget to review and tell me anything. Don't forget to follow and favorite. Tell me what I'm doing wrong; tell me what I'm doing right. HA LOVE YOU GUYS 3 :)**_

_**XOXO  
~CWH01~**_


	13. Poll Thingy and A TEASER

A/N: POLL IS NOW UP. YOU CAN VOTE ON THE POLL ON MY PROFILE. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YALL VOTE ON THE POLL _**AND **_SEND ME THE SUGESTION OR THINGS YOU WANT INCORPORATED INTO THE STORY. I WANT YALL TO ENJOY THE STORY AND I WANT TO PLEASE YALL IN ANYWAY THAT I CAN. I'M NOT GONNA PRESSURE YOU OR ANYTHING BUT IT WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED IF YALL DID PARTICIPATE IN THESE THINGS. I just want to write a story that y'all are gonna enjoy and read. As soon as chapter 13 is written I'll replace this with that. I hope that you guys will vote and send me the suggestions.

NOW A TEASER OF WHAT IS TO COME IN Chapter 13…. Enjoy.

The fury in his eyes could not be masked even if he wanted to. He was snarling and venom was dripping from his mouth. He looked ferocious. And for some unknown reason, it thrilled me.

"You could have killed her," his voice was low but it sent shivers down my spine.

"I-I-I didn't know who she was, she there is the back yard, just lying there. I thought she was an intruder."

After all the time I've spent with vampires, I never had seen one stutter before. It would have been comical if we weren't in the situation we were in.

"Why would you attack without at least a thought? I _know_ you hear her heart beat; I _know_ you can smell her blood. What harm could she have done to you? You're a vampire for fuck sake and she's _human!"_

The other vampire stayed silent. I didn't know who this person was that took over Jasper. He was no longer the gentle guy that would sit in my rocking chair and read me old civil war books, or the one who would send me calming vibes when I had a nightmare. This Jasper was a beast, everything about him screamed _danger_, but I could help but want to get closer. I wanted to see just how dangerous he could be.

Finally after a silence that felt like it lasted a decade, the other vampire spoke, "I'm sorry Major I will accept whatever punishment you see fit," with that he fell to his knees.

_Major? _

_Didn't Jasper once say he had another side to him? His beast as he called it. Oh no, this is not good for that other vampire, not good at all._

I took a step forward, turned my body to face him, and put my hands on either side of his face. I stared into his bottomless, black eyes.

The other vampire gasped in shock as he saw me do so.

"Jasper", I whispered.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you to whoever voted on the poll. I'm going to keep it up until the time to take it down comes, but that won't be till chapter 15 or 17. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT AT ALL. IT'S ALL SM NOT ME**

* * *

Chapter 13: Dilemma

His grip on my neck was tight, venom leaking from his teeth, and a snarl in place. He looked vicious.

"Who are you", he snarled.

_Oh shit._

_Oh shit. _

_Oh shit._

_Oh Shit._

_I'm. So. Going. To. Freaking. Die. _

I'm going to be killed by a psycho vampire in the backyard of my ex-boyfriend's house.

_Wow, that's messed up._

Back to reality, the grip on my neck tightened. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst. I never imagined how I would die, but this is not the way I want it to end.

I just stood there, gasping for air, trying to get my heart to slow down enough to answer. I couldn't answer him. I was frozen with fear. His eyes were a weird shade of red; they had a wild look in them that made promises of pain.

"Who. Are. You." He repeated. With each word his hand tightened against my throat

"I-I-Isa," I finally blurted out.

_What the actual fuck Bella? Why would you give him a fake name? _

_Yep. It is official I am going to die at the hands of a crazy vampire. _I mentally shrug, _It's better than Victoria I guess._

"Well _Isa _it's your – ". He was cut off by an earth shattering, core shaking growl.

I feel his hands rip away from my neck along with growls and snarls. I look to my left and I am horrified by the sight.

* * *

**MPOV**

As soon as I saw his hands around her neck I snapped. I growled and tackled him to ground. We were a tangle of limbs, snarling and growling at each other. While we were tumbling I tried to get several bites out of him, but he deflected at each turn. Finally we come to a stop, and he's pinning me to the ground. He's seated on torso, and I start to buck hoping he will loosen his hold on him. I turn my head to side and start to nip at his wrist. In order to not get bitten he moved his hand away from my face.

_Mistake_

I tried to roll him over so that I was on top but he kicked his legs out before I could. The force of the kick sent me flying into the trees 20 feet away. I sprang up, raced back to where he was. He was crouched with his legs spread a part.

_Another mistake._

I ran and slide in between his legs, grabbed his right leg, and swung him into the ground. I had to act fast while he was disorientated. I grabbed him by his throat and threw him against a tree. I froze his body with enough fear to kill an army.

I felt his body lock up and smiled a sinister smile.

I wanted nothing more than to rip him a part, but before that happened I needed answers.

I wanted to know why he had my mate up against a house by her neck.

I wanted to know what idiotic person would dare harm the Major's mate!

I wanted his venom spilling into the ground for his stupidity.

* * *

**BPOV**

The fury in his eyes could not be masked even if he wanted to. He was snarling and venom was dripping from his mouth. He looked ferocious. And for some unknown reason, it thrilled me.

"You could have killed her," his voice was low but it sent shivers down my spine.

"I-I-I didn't know who she was, she there is the back yard, just lying there. I thought she was an intruder."

After all the time I've spent with vampires, I never had seen one stutter before. It would have been comical if we weren't in the situation we were in.

"Why would you attack without at least a thought? I _know_ you hear her heart beat; I _know_ you can smell her blood. What harm could she have done to you? You're a vampire for fuck sake and she's _human!"_

The other vampire stayed silent. I didn't know who this person was that took over Jasper. He was no longer the gentle guy that would sit in my rocking chair and read me old civil war books, or the one who would send me calming vibes when I had a nightmare. This Jasper was a beast, everything about him screamed _danger_, but I could help but want to get closer. I wanted to see just how dangerous he could be.

Finally after a silence that felt like it lasted a decade, the other vampire spoke, "I'm sorry Major I will accept whatever punishment you see fit," with that he fell to his knees.

_Major? _

_Didn't Jasper once say he had another side to him? His beast as he called it. Oh no, this is not good for that other vampire, not good at all._

I took a step forward, turned my body to face him, and put my hands on either side of his face. I stared into his bottomless, black eyes.

The other vampire gasped in shock as he saw me do so.

"Jasper", I whispered.

I tried to shake his face, but I forgot that he is a vampire.

"Jasper", I saw firmer this time.

When I received no answer, I did something that I will regret later.

I slapped his face.

_Hard._

I ignore the pain I'm in; all I need to focus on is Jasper.

I look into his eyes and see that he's still not there.

He still looks murderous. He looks at the other vampire with so much hate, disdain, and fury that I'm surprised he hasn't dropped dead. You know if looks could kill.

I don't know how to bring him back from that place inside his mind. The other vampire looks like if he could he would shit bricks and continue to do so if Jasper told him to.

_Think Bella. _

_What could you do to bring him back?_

_Blood? No that's way too dangerous._

_Slap? I tried that already didn't work. _

_Punch? That's worse than slapping._

Then a light bulb went off inside my head.

God please let this work.

I stand on the tips of my toes, grip his face in my hands, and I lean my face toward his. Right before our lips touch, I hesitate.

Should I do this?

I erased the question from my mind.

I touch our lips together in the softest of touches.

* * *

**A/N: Well hello there. There is Chapter 13. How did you like it? Was the cliffhanger good? Are you ready for Chapter 14?**

**Anyway, I want to thank everyone who favorite, followed, or reviewed. It was a whole bunch of you who followed the story after the last chapter. It took me a while to dish out the thank you to everyone. I hope I got everyone. **

**Don't forget the poll and the suggestions.**

**Don't forget to review.**

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**Don't forget!**

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XOXO

~.~CWH01~.~


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: I will only reply to reviews, follows, and favorites when I have at least half of the chapter written. Your thank you thingies will be just the teaser and some few words.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT IT ALL BELONGS TO STEPHANIE MEYER (bless that woman)

Chapter 14: Crazy-Future-Seeing-Vampire-Say-What.

APOV

I screamed out into the air in anger and frustration.

_How can this be? After everything I did? All the planning I did has gone to waste._

Edward comes running into the room as soon as the thoughts left my head.

"What has happened Alice? Did your vision come back?"

I looked up at him for a second in disbelief.

"Did you not see my vision?"

"No Alice."

I stood up from my place on the bed and started pacing my room.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Stop.

Left.

Right.

Stop.

Left.

Right.

Lef-.

By the time Edward stopped me I thought I had put a hole in the floor. With both of his hands where on either one of my shoulders, he shook me slightly.

"_Alice", _he hissed my name.

When I didn't respond he shook me again.

"Alice you need to talk to me. You need to tell me what's wrong."

_Everything I tried to avoid, everything I tried to change, happened. Everything is going the way I don't want it to. It's all happening…everything. There is no way to change it; it feels as though this future is set in stone._

"What do you mean Alice? You said everything was fine. You said we had time. What's happening?"

"It's over. It's over Edward. We're both going to die. After everything I did to try and prevent it from happening…it's going to happen."

I looked up at him with blank eyes.

"I guess now we can truly relate to the term 'dead man walking'."

"How much time do we have to stop it from happening?"

I stared into his eyes. He's so clueless to the fact that he is the reason that we're going to die.

"Time? Time?! You're wondering how much _time_ we have left? We would have a ton of time if you hadn't have brought that _human bitch_ into our lives. Why? Because she smelled good? You put our lives at risk because the bitch _smelled good. _We don't have any time! We had all the time in the world before she came along. She didn't kill us…_you_ killed us. You and your goddamn stupidity."

By the time I finished my rant I was breathing heavily, and if I were human my heart rate would be near heart attack levels. I turned away from him towards the window.

"Alice," he whispered as he tried to reach out to me. I shrugged him off.

"Carlisle should have left you to die in the hospital all those years ago."

I heard his sharp intake of breath as I jumped out the window.

I ran. I ran as far as I could. I didn't have to worry about the family looking for me because they went to Canada to have a couples retreat. I ran for seemed like days but it was only an hour. I wasn't that I was running away, I needed to think. With Edward always reading my thoughts, Esme's concerning looks, Carlisle's prodding, and Emmett and Rosalie's indifference; my thoughts have been hectic.

I needed to think of a way to save my ass, even if it means killing Edward in the process I would do it to save myself. I have so much to live for. I have a mate waiting for me; I have a future full of happiness and fashion. I might not get that because of _her_.

When I look up I realized that I was barely inside of Canada. I sat down on the ground and closed my eyes. I needed to see the outcomes of different situations.

I've been sitting here in the Canadian wilderness for over 4 hours and each scenario ends the same.

Death.

Something I don't want to happen. I was just about to give up and go home, something came to me.

_The Volturi._

They could give me the protection I needed. If Bella and Jasper came too close they would be eliminated. The Volturi want me in their guard, but Aro fears Jasper. If Jasper asked to have the whole Volturi guard, the castle, and his head on a silver platter, he would present them with a flourish.

If the Volturi are afraid of him then who in the hell would go up against him.

There is nothing for me to hold over his head to make sure he doesn't kill me. I can't use that psychotic bitch, Maria, who sired him. He killed her as soon as he had the chance.

There is no one in the world stupid enough to go up against the Major and his mate. Every vampire and their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great grandkids know not to go up against him.

I sigh and scream out into the night, crisp Canadian air.

_What to do? What to do? What. To. Do._

Then I get an idea. We didn't kill them because Edward thought that they didn't matter without James around.

Victoria and Laurent.

With that plan on my mind I head back to the house in Alaska. With flicks of the future playing behind my eyelids, it just might work.

After another hour and a half of running I was finally at the house. I ran in and jumped on Edward who was sitting at his piano.

"I got an idea on how to buy us more time." I said excitedly.

"Really what is it", he asked in confusion.

I jumped back from him and looked him the eye.

"You might not like it but it's the only way we can live long enough to come up with another plan."

"I'm up for anything really. As long as I live."

I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what is about to happen.

"We need to track down Victoria to see if she can do us a little favor."

"Victoria? As in the red head vampire that _tried_ to _kill us_? Why? What can she do?"

"Force change."

"Force change?! You want to _force change_ Bella." He exclaimed loudly. He slammed the lid to his piano cover in frustration.

"I told you wouldn't like it Edward."

"No. I won't let it happen. I can't let it happen."

I sigh in anger, "Everything isn't designed to fit you Edward. This is the only solution we have before all hell breaks loose on our heads." I took a short pause. "Now I will do this with you or without you, but either way it will be done. I have the phone right here to call the Denali's and ask Laurent for his help. You can either be with me or be without me and die. You chose."

There is silence in the room.

1.

2.

3.

"Okay. Do it. Make the call."

I pick up the phone and dial the Denali's.

_**Ring. **_

_**Ring. **_

_**Ring.**_

"Hello?" I heard Kate's tinkling voice say.

"Yes Kate its Alice. Can I please speak with Laurent?"

A/N: Hey everybody. This chapter 14 after all the teasing here it is. I'm thinking of leaving y'all hanging on the Bella/Jasper kiss situation. Thank you for the support and everything. Continue to read and review and mention the story to others if you feel like it.

Remember I Love You.

~.~CWH01~.~


	16. Chapter15:One-Two Vicky's Comin' For You

A/N: We are at the halfway point you guys. Or I think. I can change my mind.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight much to my dismay.

Chapter 15: One-Two Vicky's Comin' For You.

"…Your help."

"Wait. What? Repeat that for me again."

"Alice and Edward Cullen want your help."

There was silence on my end.

"I know shocking right? I was shocked to get the phone call."

"Why do they need my help? Do you know?"

"No Alice said it wouldn't be right to talk about it over the phone."

"It's that bad, huh? I wonder what it is." I question as I sat down in the chair at the cheap motel I was staying at.

Why would the Cullens want my help? I was the trying to kill their precious human pet, Bella. I also tried to kill them. I'm the one trying to get revenge for their killing of my mate and lover, James.

Watching them burn his body to nothing but ash still makes my venom boil.

My James, everything I could have wanted in a man is now gone. He is now nothing but a distant memory and an aching pain of incompleteness.

"When do they want me Laurent?"

"They want you as soon as you can get to Alaska. Which is good considering that you are in _Seattle, _aren't you _Vicky?_"

"Oh hush now I was just making a pit stop before heading somewhere else. And for your information I wasn't going to outright kill her, I was going to let her enjoy life for a while but always remind her of my presence so that she can live in a constant state of fear. Then when the time is right, like when she gets a husband, I will torture and kill her."

"Nice Victoria, but that will have to wait. When can you leave?"

"I can leave now and be there midday tomorrow. Keep your phone on you; I'll call you when I get to the border."

"Oh and Vicky…don't make a pit stop in Forks, Washington, just keep going."

I didn't say anything I just hung up the phone.

This is going to be fun.

* * *

It took me longer than expected to get to Alaska. I had to stop and get a snack and it wasn't even a good one.

When I made it to the border I called Laurent to ask him for directions and what to do next, he gave me a number and told me to call it.

Reluctantly, I did so.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello." A tinkling little voice said.

"Who is this?"

"Alice Cullen of course, you must be Victoria I presume."

"Yeah. How do you want to do this? I got other things to do, you know."

"I want you to run north until you come across our scents and follow it to a cabin. Edward and I will be there waiting for you. Be there in an hour."

With that she clicked off.

Its official I'm going to that bitch. No one hangs up in my face. When I see her I'm going to teach her lesson. She needs me not the other way around.

I start running north thinking of the millions of way I can kill a vampire.

So far I have a million and one and they all look promising.

As I was running I came across a very sickly sweet scent. I had to bite back the urge to vomit up the venom in my system.

_Guess this is Alice's scent. _I shiver. _I hope she doesn't stand too close. _

I follow the trail and true to her word not too far away, there was a cabin nestled into the snow. If I wasn't who I was I would say that the scenery was beautiful. But I'm Victoria and nothing is beautiful to me, but me of course.

I slow down my run as I get closer and closer to the cabin, I could see Alice and Edward standing on the front porch.

Alice, like all vampires looked flawless, was short, almost pixie like, with inky black, spiky hair arranged in a halo.

Edward, was lean and lanky, he looks young even for a vampire. He looks sixteen.

I walk up, with my fiery red hair flowing behind me and a scowl on my face.

"What do you want? Are you asking to be killed? I tried to kill you, hell I still want to kill you. Have you always been this crazy, or is it a new thing?"

"No we have not gone crazy. We are just desperate. You are the only one we could think of one such short time." Edward speaks up. I look him up and down and tsk.

"Look _little boy _I have other things to do. Like, I don't know, kill that sweet little human you guys have left unprotected and all alone."

"That's what this is about. We need your help in…handling her. She's causing us some problems." Alice says in a detached voice.

"What's changed? Over a year ago you were prepared to die for her. What's happened?"

I ask looking between the both of them. Looking for a clue as to why they now want me to "handle her".

"You don't need to know all of that. You just have to do as you're told. The only thing you have to know is that it benefits all of us." Edward says as he looks down at me from the porch.

"How does it benefit me?"

"You get to torture and change, not kill, Bella. You get to go up against the God of War, you get to get some sort of revenge for James, considering that Jasper was the one to kill him and set him on fire."

I paused at this new information given to me.

_Jasper? The blonde vampire that looks like he is always in pain is the one that killed James? How? He looks harmless. _

I hear Edward scoff, "Jasper, harmless? He is the goddamn _God of War_. How harmless can he be?"

"Look, we just need you to get the attention off of us for a while, shake the kettle so to speak. Do anything necessary to get his attention off of us, and then when the time is right, change her."

I look at Alice incredulously, "You want me to change her?"

"More like just bite her without her consent. I want you to make the change the worst experience of her life", Alice speaks as if we are talking about the dress in the window at an outlet mall. Edward is doing a lot of hissing at the mention of changing her.

"You want me to _force change _her? Do you know what that can do? I admit I may be crazy and sadistic, but force change…that's something even the Volturi frown upon."

Force changing can really mess someone up. Newborns that are forced change are to be dealt with accordingly, unless they have an experience trainer. That's why people use newborns to kill others, they have no self-control, they lose their old self, it's like they are split in two. Good and bad seems to split them up and make them crazy. They are more brutal than regular newborn vampires because they don't know what to do.

"We know the…complications that go along with a force change. The question that is left is if you can do it or not." Alice walks down off of the porch and in front of me. I had to bend my head down to get a clear view of her.

Her eyes challenging me to say no.

"I'll do it, but know this, when I'm done with the human I'm coming for you two", I look at both of them with promises in my eyes.

I turn to walk away but then remember something, I turn back and kick Alice under her chin and send her flying back into the door. She went through the door and into the living room. I hiss at Edward who looks like he is about to shit his pants.

"Don't ever hang up in my face again."

* * *

**A/N: Hello everybody. Here is Chapter 15. Not too much happened. I thought I could add my own little thing. Force Change I know is different and doesn't make much sense now but once you hear the stories you will understand. Thank you for all the reviews and follows and favorites it means a lot. I hope y'all enjoyed the little teaser I sent you this morning. Please continue to read and enjoy. We almost have 100 reviews. Review it up. 100 reviews may equal two chapters in one day, you'll never know. If you haven't voted on the poll do it please. I need to know this before I start writing about it.**

**Review, Follow, Favorite**

**~.~CWH01**


	17. Chapter 16

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything remotely close to Twilight. owns it all.

Chapter 16: Just About Everybody Has Gone Yonkers

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh hell no.

Oh Sith.

Yeah.

Oh Sith.

_What did I do? What have I done? Stupid idiot I am. Hate me forever Jasper will. Why me? What can I do? Say I fell on his lips? Clumsy I am. I could say I tripped when I was trying to get away from the other vampire. Won't believe that he will. Stupid idiot I am. Stupid idiot I am. Stupid. Stupid. _

_**Yep, its official Bella has officially gone off her rockers. She's talking Yoda. People only talk Yoda when they go younkers. Has Bella gone younkers? **_

_No I haven't. Just a momentary lapse in judgment. _

_**You're talking to yourself…what does that say oh smart one? Oh and let's not forget that you 1. Slapped a vampire 2. Got between a vampire who is not in his right mind 3. And kissed him.**_

_Uh…well… I-I-I guess that means…oh I don't know. Stop talking to me. I want to freak out by myself. _

_**You are by yourself idiot. You are talking to yourself, if you haven't noticed you are the only one here.**_

_I can't believe I kissed Jasper. His lips were so soft. I didn't know a vampire could have such amazing lips. I can still feel his lips on mine._

_**That's because you are still kissing him Bella.**_

I open my eyes to see that, in fact, my lips are still attached to Jasper's.

That's not even the scary part. The scary part is that I want _more._

Inner me was right I have gone off my rockers. I have gone completely yonkers.

I want him to do more. I want more of him.

I want more, I need more.

I did the only thing I wanted to; I pressed my lips harder onto his.

His lips are unresponsive.

_He doesn't want to kiss me. He doesn't like me kissing him._

Just as I was about to pull back and get the hell out of dodge. He kissed me back. My heart gave the biggest of flutters, if you could call them flutters.

_He kissed me back._

I was hoping that it could last longer but just as his tongue swept my bottom lip, asking permission, a cough in the background broke us apart. Slowly my eyes opened and saw out position.

My arms were gripping his shoulders as if they were my lifeline, his hands gripped my waist and I knew that there was going to be marks later, and our bodies were so pressed together that there was little to no space between us. I could feel every inch of him and it felt glorious.

Another cough brought us back and I jumped back in surprise. I had just kissed Jasper in front of the vampire that tried to kill me.

_**Yonkers, you have gone yonkers Bella.**_

_Oh hush up inner me._

I looked up into Jasper's eyes and saw that they had relaxed. He was back to being Jasper and not the Major. I could also see the confusion and the questions, questions I wished to avoid.

"Uh…Major? Sorry to interrupt you, but if I wanted to see two people having sex I would watch porn or Charlotte and I's home videos."

"Peter I'm still going to rip you a new one. What we you thinking? You could have killed her." Jasper hissed in frustration.

Peter. Why does that name sound familiar?

I remember Jasper saying something about a Peter.

"_Then a light in the darkness came. Peter. Even living in this hell his emotions never faltered. He was the anchor that kept me up. His emotions were my safe haven away from the hell that was Maria."_

Oh. My. Sith.

This was the Peter that served along with Jasper in the Southern Vampire Wars. Why is he? Why did he try to kill me? Why is Jasper trying to kill him? What in the world is going on?

"I wasn't trying to kill her, Major. I'm not that stupid."

"You're stupid enough", another voice cut in. A female voice this time, one, I might add, I did not know.

Her voice had a slight southern twang to it, underline but noticeable enough to make you question how southern she can get.

I turn around to see a petite blonde woman standing not too far from where we were still standing in the backyard.

"Well damn Char, nice to see you have faith in me", the sarcasm was thick in _Peter's _voice.

"Ya know I love ya, but you could have scared her half to death. Do you know who she is?" Char demanded.

Peter sighs, "Yes I know who she is. I wouldn't have done it if I had known I was going to kill her."

"Then why did you do it Peter. She's human." You could have one look at Jasper and know that he meant business and that he wanted answers. He wanted the answers that Peter was taking too long to supply.

"I wanted to have some fun before shit got too serious. I didn't know you were goin' to go all Major on me, now did I? No, so it isn't all my fault."

Finally I spoke up, "So you didn't try to kill me?"

"No. I would never."

"Then, Jasper can I see your hand?" I look towards Jasper to see his confused eyes. I didn't want to answer so I just raised a sharp eyebrow. He was still confused but he gave me his hand. I gripped it by its wrist and inched closer to Peter. I just looked at him, and he looked at me. This went on for two minutes, neither of us moving.

Then I just slapped him. With Jasper's hand, I learned my lesson against slapping vampires.

"Ow! What was that for?! I told ya I wasn't tryin' to kill ya, so why'd you slapped me?" Peter exclaimed in shock.

"Then why did you scare the living hell out of me? I'm human I can die from shock. Let's not forget that there are already vampires who have tried to kill me! I just got over vampires in my life trying to kill me then you come along all black eyed and stuff. Scared out my mind I was. Barely breathe I could. Killed me you could have." I was so into to my rant that I didn't know that I converted to my Yoda talk.

You could feel the stillness in the air. No one dared to move.

"Did you just talk Yoda?" Peter asked slowly

"Oh sith." I groaned.

* * *

At that everyone burst out into laughter, except for me.

After everyone's laughing fit courtesy of me, I realized how late it had gotten. After almost being killed, or as Peter called it, "played with", trying to bring Jasper back to reality, kissing Jasper, and joking around, my emptions were fried and I was exhausted. As soon as I could I left, stating I forgot to cook for Charlie and had to leave. Jasper tried to get me to stay but I declined. I ran all the way back down the driveway to Deputy Mark's car. I drove to the police station to give Deputy Mark back his car and he drove me home.

I closed my window that night. I didn't want to take the chance of Jasper coming into my room tonight to talk about the kiss.

My dreams consisted of cowboys, deadly kisses, and a future I can never have. I wanted things I didn't deserve to have. I can't bring Jasper into my life.

I can't love Jasper.

I can't love Jasper.

Jasper can't love me.

Jasper and I are nothing.

It's truth but why does it kill me to say it.

* * *

EPOV

"Edward, it's going to work. I can feel it; we might just be able to live to see another century."

"Believe me, I'm happy that I might be living, but is changing Bella really the only answer. Force change is really risky. It is bad idea Alice. You heard what force change did down in the South; you see what it did to Jasper. And there is the chance that it won't even go the way you are planning. You may see her as weak but she is really strong. Maybe the change will even maybe her stronger. Having that _woman_ change her will not suffice. Do you really want to see that happen to someone you considered your friend? Do you really want to see that happen to someone innocent?" I searched her face for any sign that she might back this stupid idea down.

She scoffed, "Innocent? That bitch is anything but innocent. She is probably shacking up with Jasper right now while you're trying to 'save' her. She's not worth it. Isn't that what you told her when you broke up with her? Everything you told her in the woods was true. Now we have the chance to get rid of her for once and for all and you're hesitating. Don't be weak Edward. It's either her or us."

"But doing that to Bella isn't what the original plan was. We were supposed to save her for later. You can't go changing things Alice."

"Yes I can. If it can save my life then I'm going to go with it, I have thing waiting for me. I have a mate waiting, a life I could live, I have happiness in the future."

"You.", I scoff, "It's always about you Alice! Everything you say is about you. Do you care about anyone else but yourself? This entire plan, the entire thing, killing Bella, leaving Bella, changing Bella, everything has been for you! What's my future Alice? Did you even look for it? Do I have a mate…happiness!? Do I even live Alice?" I took a pause to get my bearings together. I see Alice she is backed up against a wall. I walked towards where she was and stopped 3 feet in front of her.

"Answer me!" I scream. I see her jump in surprise but I don't care. I'm getting tired of tagging behind her. "Answer me Alice. I'm getting sick and tired of tagging along behind you like a sick little puppy. Answer my goddamn questions or else."

Just as she was about to answer the front slams shut. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett walk into the house.

I wonder how much they heard. It probably wasn't much. I wasn't getting much from their thoughts, they were blocking me.

I glanced back at Alice and sped out of the room downstairs.

"Where did you guys go? You went hunting like a week ago. Why did you go hunting today?" I was truly curious as to why they left today.

Emmett barked out a laugh, "Well Eddie boy my Rose and I were feeling like we needed some alone time to reacquaint each other with our bodies. I think I got pretty familiar with her lady friend down south. If you know what I mean", he winked at me on the last sentence. I even got little glimpses at what he meant. Ew much.

"I think Emmett and I are going to go back to the woods for a couple of days. Don't come north of the property."

With that Rosalie pulled Emmett out the house and they dashed away from the house.

I dash back upstairs where Alice is still frozen against the wall.

"Now where were dear sweet Ali-Cat?"

* * *

RPOV

As soon as I was far enough away from the house, I dialed his number.

"Big trouble. Something is going on. We will be there within two weeks."

"No. Stay there. We need you for intel. I'll call you when we need you to come." He took a pause. "Be safe and do everything I told you to."

"Alright. I'll call you with an update in a week."

"Lay low."

Finally things have gotten interesting around here.

* * *

A/N: Well here is chapter 16. A little earlier than planned but here. I didn't mean to add all those other POVs but once I started writing I just couldn't stop. I hope y'all enjoyed it. I know yall didn't get the teasers in your PM but that was because I knew I wasn't going to be able to back away from writing ot send them so here is the chapter.

Don't expect another update until about next Wednesday. My dear sweet son got in trouble at school so now I have to deal with that. I have exams and testing. So much going on.

The poll has been taken down and closed. It was a tie between NO and Up to Me.

Don't forget I love you.

Don't forget I love reviews and favorites and follows

Don't forget I love when you love my story

Don't forget to stay beautiful/handsome

Don't forget I love when people just want to talk to me *hint hint*

Don't forget I LOVE YOU

~.~CWH01~.~


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